


baby blue

by purple_moonchild



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, I’m sorry for all the mistakes, Jealousy, M/M, Mentioning of sex but nothing explicit, Minor Lee Felix/Seo Changbin, Seo Changbin has tattoos, Seo changbin and Hwang hyunjin are best friends, Tattoo Artist Seo Changbin, changlix, i don’t know how to tag, really nothing explicit i‘m Innocent, stray kids - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-05-31 10:49:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 36,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19424452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purple_moonchild/pseuds/purple_moonchild
Summary: The sunbeams hit his skin, and it no longer looked like skin but like pure honey.-Changbin is a young tattoo artist, and his life runs actually well until he falls in love with a boy with bright eyes and striking freckles who apparently already loves someone else.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey<3  
> English isn't my native language and i‘m still learning, feel free to correct me, but please don't hate:) I don't know when I upload a new chapter, I'm a slow writer, but I try hard not to take too long.

Changbin had a roommate, and he really liked Hyunjin, but there was one thing that annoyed him about the younger one. 

The two knew each other since kindergarten and were inseparable since then. They went to the same school and moved to the same apartment after graduating. Changbin made his dream came through and he became a tattoo artist, even thought his parents wanted him to study in Europe, and Hyunjin started to study.

Changbin had always opposed his parents. He never liked to listen to his parents, and when he told them that he got a job in a tattoo studio they had kicked him out. The relationship with his parents was not bad, but especially his father wanted his son to write good grades, study, get a well paid job and start a family.

Changbin had become his parents' nightmare. He was a 21-year-old, tattooed and pierced man who shared his apartment with his best friend and had not had a relationship since middle school. He didn't mind because he was satisfied with his life.

Hyunjin's parents loved their son and supported him wherever they could. They paid for his studies and the apartment (they didn't know that Changbin lived there and Changbin enjoyed the free rent), they transferred money to him and called him weekly to ask how he was doing. Hyunjin's parents probably thought their son had his life under control, but Hyunjin's life was a mess.

While Changbin was a rather quiet person who spent his free time reading, writing lyrics or watching series, Hyunjin was the type of person who celebrated the whole weekend and renounced sleep. Changbin had no problem with that, Hyunjin was allowed to do what he wanted with his life, but there was one thing that annoyed him about the younger.

Changbin had not had a relationship for a long time, which was because he had never looked for one. He sometimes thought of having a person by his side, but he concentrated on his job. 

Hyunjin didn't have a relationship either, which was simply because he wasn't a relationship person at all and would rather bring someone new every weekend. Changbin met someone new every Saturday morning, and he wished he would always see the same face. Sometimes it was a young girl with beautiful hair, sometimes a boy with beautiful eyes. He saw them once and then never again.

Hyunjin wasn’t an asshole. He was looking for people from parties who just like him were not looking for anything that lasted, but Changbin was still not the biggest fan of this whole thing.

Hyunjin called him a looser, but Changbin never had a one night stand. He still believed in true love with butterflies in the stomach and all that shit.

Changbin breathed out relieved. He smiled at the young woman in front of him and took off his face mask. "This was your last session, would you like to see the result?" he asked and the lady in front of him nodded eagerly. Today he sat 5 hours at the tattoo of a customer. It was her third but also last appointment, but she wanted a big back tattoo and it took time. 

She went towards the mirror and Changbin helped her to see the freshly engraved tattoo. "Wow", she was amazed and smiled at Changbin. "Thank you very much, I really like it. It exactly meets my expectations," she said happily and smiled at Changbin. "I’m glad you like it," he replied.

"I wish you a nice evening and a lot of fun with your tattoo," he said as the door closed behind the young woman. 

"Have a nice evening? We have midnight," someone suddenly said and Changbin shrugged briefly in shock, just to exhale in relief when he saw Chan behind him. 

"I thought you'd already left," he asked and Chan nodded. "It's been an hour but there was a problem with an order," he said and Changbin nodded. "You should also go home now, I've often told you not to make appointments so late," said Chan and Changbin sighed. 

He himself knew that he often overworked himself but he loved his job and wanted to satisfy as many customers as possible.

Changbin made a detour to the supermarket before finally arriving home and picking out his key. He unlocked the door and quietly entered the apartment, thinking about the fact that Hyunjin might be back and he didn't want to wake him up. He turned on the lights in the hallway and almost overlooked the strangers' shoes standing next to Hyunjin's. Changbin sighed and placed his black vans next to Hyunjin's black shoes and an unknown one's clean, white sneakers.

When Changbin woke up the next morning he sat up and yawned. He blinked a few times before he got up and left his room. He didn't think Hyunjin might have had visitors but went to the kitchen in his black t-shirt and grey sweatpants. He made himself a coffee and sat down at the kitchen table. He scrolled through his Instagram Feed until he suddenly heard footsteps.

The person entered the kitchen and Changbin didn't look up but just quietly brought out a "good morning hyunjin". The person cleared his throat and Changbin heard instantly that it was not Hyunjin. 

He raised his head and saw a young man in front of him. He looked young, but not much younger than Changbin or Hyunjin. He had light blonde hair and brown eyes, and Changbin noticed the striking freckles in his face. 

"I am not Hyunjin," he said quietly with reddened cheeks, and his deep voice did not match his cute appearance but gave Changbin goosebumps.

Changbin noticed how the heat rose in his face and he nodded. "I'm sorry," he said quietly and the boy in front of him smiled slightly. He went to the coffee machine and Changbin watched him. His gaze fell on his neck marked with purple spots up to his shirt, which was not his shirt at all but one of Hyunjin's, and Changbin knew it because it was the present he gave him for his birthday. It was much too big for the boy and went down a little from his shoulders and down to his knees.

Changbin averted his gaze and looked at his display instead. The boy cleared his throat again and Changbin looked up. "I'm sorry if I'm intruding but I will be picked up in two hours, is it okay if I sit down here?" he asked and Changbin looked briefly between the empty seat opposite him and the boy back and forth before nodding. 

The blonde gave him a smile and showed his white teeth before he sat down and also took out his cell phone.

The sun was slowly rising and cast a beautiful light through the large window into the room. Changbin took another look at his opposite and swallowed hard as he saw the blonde one in the sunlight, his brown eyes shining and his freckles looking like the stars in the sky. The sunbeams hit his skin, and it no longer looked like skin but like pure honey and his collarbone was exposed, also covered with purple love bites.

Changbin would lie if he said he didn't like the way the boy looked, on the contrary, he was exactly his type and Changbin tried to concentrate on the latest Instagram pictures in his feed, but noticed that his attention was always wandering to the blonde one in front of him.

Said boy suddenly raised his head and looked directly into Changbin's eyes. Changbin noticed his cheeks blushing and the blonde just opened his mouth to say something as his look fell from Changbin on something else behind him.

"Hey," he said gently and Changbin turned around. He saw a sleepy Hyunjin. "Hey", said boy replied only half as happy and walked past the two to the coffee machine. Hyunjin had never been a morning person and Changbin knew that, but the boy in front of him only looked at him confused and Changbin had to giggle. "He's always like that in the morning," he said and the blonde smiled slightly. "Hey, that's not true," Hyunjin complained loudly, but immediately distorted his face and held his head. Changbin laughed quietly. 

"Did you exaggerate again yesterday?“ he asked teasingly and Hyunjin plucked his face before devoting himself to his coffee again. "He really exaggerated, I almost had to force him to stop drinking," said the boy in front of him with a teasing grin and Hyunjin turned around moaning. "Shut up, Felix," he said out loud and held his head again. So his name was Felix. "I think I need a pill for my head," he said and left the kitchen. 

"He likes to drink a lot of alcohol," Changbin said, looking after his best friend. "I actually do too, but I've never drunk as much as he did yesterday," he said and Changbin turned back. He smiled slightly and took a last sip from his cup before getting up. 

He took his cup and put it in the dishwasher and felt Felix look at him before turning around and nervously playing around with his t-shirt. "I'll go then, see you, Felix," he said and Felix nodded. "See you..." he said and looked at Changbin questioningly. "Changbin," replied the brown-haired one and Felix nodded. "See you, Changbin"

Changbin came back from work again, this time it was afternoon. He hadn't slept much the night as a new season of his favorite series had come out and he wanted to come at least until episode 10, so he tiredly closed the door behind him and threw his shoes somewhere. 

He entered the living room and walked in the direction of his room. "Hi Hyunjin," he shouted out loud, hoping the younger one was home. 

He replied, "Hello binnie," and Changbin just opened his room door as he heard another voice. "Hello," said a deep voice and Changbin turned around. 

On the sofa next to Hyunjin, Felix actually sat, this time in his own clothes and with styled hair and without hickeys on his neck. 

Changbin blinked a few times before he frowned. "Hello Felix," he said, and it sounded more like a question than a statement. 

"Play with us," Hyunjin said, symbolically holding up the controller. Changbin nodded a little perplexed. "I just bring my things into the room," he said and held up his bag and Hyunjin just nodded before turning back to the TV. 

Changbin closed the room door behind him and leaned against it while he looked thoughtfully around the room. Why was Felix here? Changbin didn't see a face twice, and he hadn't expected to see the blonde again, especially not sitting on the sofa and playing video games with Hyunjin. 

Changbin threw his bag on his bed and took a look in his mirror. He wore a black tight-fitting ripped jeans and a black shirt that he had stuffed in. His tattooed arms were free and he wore some chains, and his outfit was actually okay, if there weren't his face from what you could see that Changbin hadn't slept much the last nights and his hair that looked as if he hadn't washed it for several weeks. 

He briefly looked around his room to see if he could change anything, but in the end he just put on a black cap and left the room.

Hyunjin was a bad player, he always was and Changbin didn't have much trouble defeating him, but Felix was a whole new challenge. Changbin was desperate because Felix defeated him for the third time with only a few points and Changbin was about to throw the controller to the wall. Felix happily raised his arms and smiled broadly, Changbin breathed out stressed and supported his face in his palms while Hyunjin sat on his mobile phone and it didn't seem to interest him how the game had gone. 

"I can't believe I lost again," he said and Felix giggled. "At some point you will defeat me, the Master," he said and pinched Changbin's cheek, whereupon said boy beat off his hand and turned slightly away. Felix giggled again and Changbin noticed how the redness rose in his face and he tried to ignore it as good as he could.

"One more round?" Felix asked , but Changbin shook his head. "I have an appointment with a customer tomorrow and still have to work on the motif," he said and Felix's eyes widened. "What kind of customer and what kind of motif? What do you work as?" he asked. "I work in a tattoo studio and I'm not sure about the motif yet. My client had made a specific request and said I should design the whole thing, but I'm a little desperate," he began to tell and Felix started to smile broadly. 

"Tattooist? That's so cool," he said enthusiastically and Changbin had to smile. "I want a tattoo but don't dare", Felix started. "I am afraid that it hurts very much or that I don't like it anymore after a while. How was it with you?“ he asked and pointed to Changbin's arm.

"I already have some tattoos and especially big ones so I got more or less used to the pain. It also hurts more in some places than in others. It was most painful on my hand, it was also my first and I should have taken another place for my first time," he said and Felix nodded as a sign that he listened attentively. "And do you regret it?" he asked further and Changbin shook his head. "I made a conscious decision and thought about it for a long time. I haven't regretted it once," he said and Felix smiled contentedly. 

"I wouldn't regret the tattoos in your place either, you look really hot with them," he said and Changbin almost choked on the air while his face turned red like a tomato. He cleared his throat and turned to Hyunjin. "Didn't you want to talk to me about something?" he brought out and Hyunjin looked up from his cell phone for the first time in a while. 

He frowned. "Not really," he said and Changbin jumped up. "I don't want to be rude but Hyunjin and I have to discuss something private so unfortunately you have to leave," he said quickly and Felix also got up confused. "Uhm... of course, I'm gone immediately," he said confused and Changbin was already carefully pointing him towards the door. "See you," he said and Felix still nodded clearly confused as he put on his coat. "Until then Changbin, until then Hyunjin," he said and waved one last time whereupon Hyunjin waved back from the sofa and Changbin closed the door.

Changbin turned around and leaned against the door while Hyunjin looked at him with a questioning look. "What was that?" he said and Changbin looked up instantly. 

"What do you mean? Nothing," he said and moved towards his room, but Hyunjin held him back. "You literally just kicked out Felix, what's going on with you?“ he asked amusedly rather than angrily but Changbin shook his head. "Nothing, I still have to do something for work and need my rest," he said quickly and finally went to his room.

That Felix was at Hyunjin and Changbin a second time was strange, and when Changbin met Felix at the dining table a second time in the morning he was just more confused. After he met the blonde one more time, this time in the evening when he came late from work and hyunjin and Felix watched a movie together in the living room, he realized what was going on. Felix was nobody from a party that only came by for one night, Hyunjin spent time with him and that was definitely not normal for such a kind of relationship, and Changbin suddenly realized something.

Hyunjin and Felix were in a relationship. 

Changbin should have noticed it when Felix showed up a second time and they had played video games together, or when he found them cuddling on the sofa, and he was ashamed that he couldn't take his eyes off Felix's shining eyes, his white teeth and his freckles, because it was his best friend's boyfriend, but Felix was outrageously cute and he was perfect for Changbin. 

Changbin shook his head and turned around in bed again. 

Felix was perfect for Hyunjin and he wished them all the luck in the world. Hyunjin was attractive, he looked really good, even though Changbin would never admit it because it was his best friend, and Felix also looked stunning and the two made a beautiful couple. 

Changbin moaned annoyed and sat up. He couldn't sleep, especially when so many thoughts were buzzing around in his head, so he got up annoyed and walked down towards the kitchen. He made himself a cup of tea and sat down at the dining table.

He was currently working on a new motif for a customer who had no idea what she wanted and put all her hope in Changbin. Changbin scribbled a little without really knowing what he was doing and breathed out stressed out before he dropped his head with a loud noise on the table.

He loved his job, but some customers made his life harder than it actually was. He closed his eyes, and even though he was in a very uncomfortable position, he noticed how fatigue overcame him and he almost fell asleep when he suddenly heard a rumble and jerked up.

He turned his head and looked into the frightened face of a certain blonde boy with freckles and a shirt far too big. 

"I didn't want to wake you up," he said quickly and stretched out his hands but Changbin smiled weakly. "It's ok, it's actually even better that I'm awake, I shouldn't sleep like this or my neck will hurt tomorrow," he said and Felix smiled.

"Why are you even still awake?" he asked and turned around to make himself a coffee. "I couldn't sleep," he said and Felix sat down next to him along with the coffee. "And why are you still awake?" he asked. "Couldn't sleep either," Felix said and shrugged his shoulders. "No wonder you can't sleep when you drink this in the middle of the night," he replied, pointing to the cup of coffee in the hands of the younger one. 

Felix just shrugged his shoulders and his gaze fell on Changbin's drawing. "What are you doing?" he asked and pointed to the scribble of the older one. Changbin put his hand on the drawing to cover it and laughed slightly. "Show me," said the blonde, but Changbin didn't move his hand an inch and shook his head. "I just did that, it's really not good," he said, but Felix didn't give up. "That's not bad, just show me what you painted," he said laughing and when Changbin still didn't seem to move his hand, Felix grabbed it. 

His hand was small, like, really small, and Changbin was sure never to have seen such a small hand. (Except for children but Felix was obviously not a child). His little fingers embraced Changbin's much bigger, tattooed hand and he didn't even try to compete with the movement of the younger one. 

"Oh", he brought out when he saw Changbin's drawing and the cheeks of the brown haired one turned pink. "I just scribbled it quickly, I don't know how exactly to do it yet," he said and Felix nodded. "Does she or he have a wish?" he asked but Changbin shaked his head. "No, it just must not be too big.“

Felix nodded again. "May I?" he asked and pointed to the pencil next to Changbin. The brown-haired one nodded and gave the pencil to Felix. Felix turned on a new page and started drawing something, his eyes were spellbound on the sheet of paper in front of him and changbins look was spellbound on the boy in front of him, and he was just about to lose himself in his eyes as Felix looked back. “I know it's not perfect but it might give you ideas," he said and pushed the book back. 

Changbin looked at the drawing of the younger one. It was a rose with hearty leaves and it was simple but Changbin noticed how he started to smile. He would not have thought that the younger one could draw so well. 

He looked back at Felix who looked at him expectantly with big eyes. "That looks pretty good," he said and Felix began to grin broadly. Changbin's heart melted at the sight, and he knew he would eventually tattoo this drawing on a client's skin.

Felix came by very often in the meantime, sometimes in the afternoon and on weekends also over night, but he was there at least 4 times a week. Most of the time Hyunjin and Felix spent the time watching movies, working for the university or just sitting around and talking, and Changbin just came out of his room to say hello and order dinner with them. 

Sometimes Felix knocked on his door and asked if Changbin wanted to play video games with him and Hyunjin, and Changbin almost always said yes because he still had to win against the younger one, but the more they played the better Felix got and the more frustrated Changbin became. 

It happened more and more often that the two played video games alone while Hyunjin was in university, and when he came home Felix and he disappeared instantly in the room, but Changbin did not mind. 

Felix and Changbin got along better than expected. The two were able to spend time together and it turned out that they not only shared the same humor but also had some common interests. 

Felix was a nice boy, Changbin knew that from the beginning, but he never thought they would get along so well. He would call Felix a friend by now, and he was glad he got along so well with Hyunjins boyfriend. 

Once Felix came by on a Thursday and he was wearing a loose t-shirt, and when he and Changbin were sitting at the table, Changbin drawing and Felix working for the university, his shirt slipped of his shoulder a little and his collarbone was exposed, and it was marked with a purple spot. 

It was obviously a hickey, and Felix hadn't been there all week and Hyunjin hadn't been gone, and Changbin wondered where that hickey came from, but he just shook his head because it wasn't his business and he had no right to think about it.

Changbin was desperate. Hyunjin laughed loudly and Felix could not suppress a laugh either. Hyunjin had actually defeated him and that hadn't happened since they went to school. (Maybe once, but Changbin wasn't sober unlike Hyunjin and maybe he hadn't hit the right buttons) 

Felix and Hyunjin sat next to each other, Felix's legs hung over Hyunjin's and Hyunjins hand was in the blonde hair of the younger, but it wasn't an unfamiliar picture because the two were always hanging together, and even though Changbin was jealous he was used to it and it didn't bother him like that anymore. 

Changbin wasn't jealous of Hyunjin because he wished them luck, but sometimes he wished for someone at his side to cuddle with. 

Even though Hyunjin and Felix cuddled a lot, shared everything and slept in one bed (Felix came by once a week to sleep at their apartment), Changbin had never seen them kiss each other. He didn't know if he had never looked at the right moment, but they neither kissed to greet, nor to say goodbye, nor any other time. Changbin had no idea of relationships and he was the last one who could judge, but it was a bit strange.

"I despair because of you, Changbin", laughed Felix and Changbin interlocked played insulted the arms whereupon Hyunjin, dramatically as always, got the biggest laughing attack and Felix had to start laughing again. "I'm not that bad," he complained, but couldn't suppress a smile. 

"I see that", laughed Felix and now Changbin had to start laughing too. "I order something to eat now and you get nothing", he said while he got up. "Ey," Felix complained and got up to go after him. 

"I also want something to eat, that is so mean of you", sulked Felix and he started to pout, and it was a weak point of Changbin because he had the sweetest dogs eyes, so he nodded. "Okay, you get something as well," he said, although he would have ordered something for both of them anyway. Felix began to grin like a little child and happily jumped back to Hyunjin.

Felix was so pure, it hurt. He was like a little child and was happy about every little thing, he seemed to go through life carefree and seemed to be happy without a wish. Felix had so much happiness and joy in him, Changbin was sure that he radiated it and everyone around him took it in.

It was actually a good day. Changbin had only a few appointments in the morning and just had his lunch break. The door of the break room opened and Changbin knew it was Chan because they were only two of them today. "There is someone for you", Chan said and Changbin frowned. "Now?” he asked and turned around but the older one just shrugged his shoulders. "Yes, now," he said. "I don't really have any more appointments for the next 3 hours, are you sure it's not your customer?" he asked and Chan put his head crooked. "It's not my customer, Changbin. I have no idea who it is, it's a boy your age and he asked for you so move forward to your customer," he said and changbin groaned annoyed. 

Changbin went towards the waiting room and opened the door. On a chair sat a boy he knew all too well and played nervously with his fingers. 

"Felix?”, he brought out and Felix looked up from his hands. His face brightened and he smiled slightly. "Hello Changbin," he said. 

"What are you doing here?" he asked and sat down on a chair next to the blonde-haired one. "I wanted to see you," he said and changbin frowned. "And what exactly do you want with me? And how did you even know that I was here?" he asked and Felix giggled. 

"I know it from Hyunjin, besides you work here, don't you?” he asked and Changbin nodded slowly. "I wanted to make an appointment", explained Felix and Changbin became more and more confused. “An appointment?”, he asked and Felix nodded. "Yes, for my tattoo," he said and suddenly Changbin knew what the younger one wanted from him. 

"You want to have your tattoo stung by me?” he asked and Felix nodded eagerly. "If not from you then from no one ", he said and Changbin cursed himself for the fact that his heart beat faster.

"Well then we make an appointment, just follow me," he said and Felix nodded wide grinning before the two went into Changbin's room. 

They sat down at the table and Changbin took out his notebook. "So, what exactly did you imagine? Something bigger or a little tattoo? Do you already have an exact idea?" he asked and Felix nodded. 

"A little tattoo. I want a flower on my wrist," he explained, showing Changbin the spot. "Okay, that won't take long so we have a lot of room for an appointment," he said smiling and Felix nodded. 

"We can plan the tattoo today and then only need an appointment for the stinging, or we make an extra appointment for the planning and then another appointment for the stinging," Changbin explained. "I have time today so we can plan it today," said the younger and Changbin nodded. 

"On the date we're gonna stab the tattoo, can I bring someone? As support?", Felix asked uncertainly and Changbin nodded. Most of his customers brought someone with them, because it was easier for many of them when someone they trusted was there. "Of course," he said and Felix smiled. He probably wanted to bring Hyunjin, because it was his boyfriend and boyfriends were there to support their partners.

“Okay. What exactly did you imagine? A flower on your wrist... I have some designs of flowers, I can show them to you," he said and Felix nodded.

He scrolled through the book of changbins drawings while the older one waited for his reaction. "They all look good," Felix said. "Have you stung all of them before?" he asked and Changbin nodded. "Yes, I would adapt what you choose to you," he said, but Felix shook his head . "I like many of them but I want something special from you," he said and Changbin frowned. 

"Something special from me?", he asked and Felix nodded. "Yes, something special that you have never stung anyone before and will never sting anyone again. I want something you draw just for me," he said and Changbin couldn't suppress his grin. "Okay, sure," he said and Felix smiled broadly. 

The two sat together at the desk for almost two hours trying to find the perfect motif for Felix when Changbin suddenly came up with an idea. "Wait," he said and stood up to get his bag. Felix scrutinized him with a questioning look. Changbin took out his book and hastily scrolled through it until he found what he was looking for. 

"You still have my drawing?" Felix asked, and Changbin nodded with reddish cheeks. "Maybe it's a stupid idea, but we can do something similar," he said and Felix began to grin broadly. "It's not a stupid idea, I want something like that. It's personal and I like it. I want you to change something about it, I don't care what. You can show it to me when I am visiting again", he said and Changbin nodded. 

"Okay, I will," he said. "Thank you, Changbin," said the younger one.

In the end it was a rose whose stem and leaves were painted with only one line. The bud hadn't changed but had taken over almost exactly as Felix had initially drawn it. Changbin shouldn’t praise himself, but the sketch looked really good. He had made a lot of effort because the tattoo was not for anyone but for Felix, and he didn't want to sting Felix anything but something special.

Hyunjin said goodbye to Felix and hugged him before closing the door. He sat back on the couch next to Changbin and took out his cell phone to play on it. 

Changbin watched Hyunjin, looked at his face and followed his fingers as they floated across the screen. He grasped every blink and every movement, and suddenly Changbin couldn't hold back his curiosity. 

"You and Felix, are you dating?" he asked and Hyunjin looked up from his cell phone. He tilted his head and looked at Changbin, but didn't answer. "You're together, right?" he continued. "Why don't you ever kiss when you're together?" he asked and Hyunjin blinked a few times as if he had awakened from a stiffness.

"Changbin, we're not a couple," he said and Changbin looked at him confused. "You two are not?" "We're not dating," he said again and Changbin frowned. "Changbin, we were never together, how come?" he asked and Changbin shook his head. "You're kidding me, of course you're together. When I first saw Felix, he came out of your room and he had hickeys and he had your top on and you both are-" he started, but stopped when Hyunjin started laughing out loud. 

"Wait, you thought we had something?" he asked between his laughs and Changbin nodded. "Yes, of course I thought," he started, but Hyunjin interrupted him.

"Changbin, there is nothing between me and Felix. We are friends, just like you and me," he said laughing and Changbin nodded. "But the hickeys, do you have something like a friendship with benefits?" he asked, and it would have been embarrassing for him in front of everyone, but he talked Hyunjin. 

"Binnie," he started, but Changbin interrupted him. "Don't call me that" Hyunjin sighed. "Changbin, the hickeys were not from me," he said and Changbin looked at him shocked. "They were not from you?" he asked and Hyunjin nodded. 

"But he was wearing your top and he's sleeping in your bed and-", he stammered. "We are friends and Felix needs a lot of affection. There's nothing going on between the two of us. I can't believe you thought I was in a relationship," he said and laughed amusedly.

"I was just as surprised," Changbin said and crossed his arms. "I can't believe you thought Felix and I were a thing all the time, that’s so funny" he laughed suddenly, and Hyunjin was a drama queen. He laughed way too hard and Changbin stood up to go into his room. 

"Hey Hey, binnie. Where are you going?" Hyunjin asked and wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. "Don't call me that, idiot," Changbin said again. 

"Why would you be so interested if Felix and I were together?“ he asked and Changbin rolled his eyes again. "Because you’re my best friend and I have the right to know something like that," he said and Hyunjin smiled knowingly. He knew that the smaller one wasn't telling the truth, but he didn't say anything. 

"Was that all? I still have to do something for work," Changbin said and walked towards his room. "Hm," Hyunjin brought out. 

"Oh, Changbin?" Hyunjin shouted when Changbin was standing in front of his door. "Yes?" he called back. 

"Felix has a boyfriend, thought you should know that."


	2. Chapter 2

Changbin couldn't hide it. 

He obviously had a crush on Felix, but how could he not have a crush on the younger one? 

Felix was stunning with his blonde hair that sometimes fell in his face, his freckles and his brown eyes that shone when he talked about what he loved. He was beautiful with his little nose and his full lips and his chubby cheeks. Changbin couldn't understand how a person was so cute, but Felix surpassed any puppy.

It was comforting to know that Changbin wasn't into the boyfriend of his best friend, but since Felix apparently had a boyfriend, Changbin didn't want to admit that he liked him.

Changbin wouldn't admit it, but he was jealous. He was jealous that Felix had a boyfriend and that this boyfriend was not himself.

All these years Changbin had been happy without anyone, but suddenly he longed for someone to snuggle up with, whom he trusted and with whom he could talk.

Changbin's phone vibrated next to him and he searched blindly for it before the display illuminated the room. A glance at the time revealed that he was supposed to be asleep, but too many thoughts were buzzing around in his head. 

Recently he had been getting little sleep, but he had never been able to sleep much, so he was used to the constant tiredness. The only reason he wanted to get rid of the unhealthy sleep rhythm was that Hyunjin liked to tease him about the dark circles around his eyes. Worse still, Changbin knew Hyunjin was right because he looked terrible. 

Changbin opened his messages and stared at the contact for a few seconds. 

Jisung was a close friend of his, and even though Hyunjin and Jisung had initial problems, they had become friends as well. Jisung lived far away and the two had little contact as both were busy, but that didn't change the fact that Jisung was important to him. 

"Hey Changbin, how you doing? I don't talk around long and ask directly, and since Hyunjin says no rather than you I wanted to ask you, but could I stay with you for a week?“ he read the message. 

Jisung had always been an open, cheerful but above all direct and honest person. Changbin immediately liked that about him, and even though Jisung was probably the most annoying person he knew, he appreciated these qualities. 

"I think so, I don't know. I have to talk to Hyunjin about it, if I just say yes then he kicks me out but I think he is happy to see you again", he wrote and it didn't take 10 seconds until the younger one opened the message. 

"Very well, I will come next week Saturday. You are the best!“

Changbin shook his head amused. 

"I haven't even said yes yet. Why are you coming by at all?" he asked. 

"I'll move to your area soon but my contract doesn't start for 2 weeks. I'm not allowed to move in until then," he wrote. 

Changbin opened his eyes surprised. He had known Jisung for a long time and the younger one never wanted to move out of his hometown, but apparently his opinion had changed. 

"Then we'll definitely see each other soon, but sleep now, why are you still awake anyways?"

"I will, good night" 

Changbin shook his head. Jisung always was...special. 

"Wait, Jisung comes next week and stays with us for a week?!", Hyunjin said surprised and Changbin nodded his head shyly. 

"You remember Jisung, don't you?" he asked and Changbin nodded again. "I can't stay 2 days with him, the boy is the most annoying creature on this planet", he said and Changbin looked up.

"You exaggerate, Jisung can be super nice. He's also a friend of ours and needs help, and we haven't seen him for a long time," Changbin said. 

Felix came out of the kitchen, in his tiny hands he held a blue coffee cup with flowers on it. "Who is Jisung?" he asked a bit confused. 

"Jisung is an old friend of Changbin and he wants to move in here," Hyunjin said and Felix's facial expression changed to a surprised look. Changbin hastily shook his head and gesticulated wildly with his hands in front of his body. 

"First of all, Jisung is a friend of me and Hyunjin, and he doesn't want to move in but needs accommodation for a week until he can move into his flat," he explained and Felix smiled.

"What is the problem? I'm sure he's nice," Felix said and took a sip from his cup. 

"Yes," Changbin said, while Hyunjin said a loud "no" at the same time. Both looked at each other confused and Felix giggled. "Jisung is our friend!", Changbin said stunned and Hyunjin shrugged his shoulders. 

"It's all right, he can move in when he's quiet and you're busy with him," he said and Changbin began to grin. "I will," he said before he went into his room to write to Jisung.

Changbin and Felix were just in a discussion about whether it would be a good idea if they got a bird when it rang at the door. Felix stopped in the middle of the sentence and looked frightened at Changbin, but he started smiling broadly and ran towards the door. Felix followed him.

Changbin opened the door, and in front of him stood none other than Han Jisung. 

"Hey Jisung," he said joyfully and the younger one fell around his neck. "Hey, binnie," he said and changbin came out of the hug. "Don't call me that," he said and Jisung giggled. "We haven't seen each other for a long time," he said and Changbin nodded. "Luckily," he said and Jisung hit him slightly on the arm before both of them started laughing, Jisung a little louder than Changbin. It felt like before, you didn't notice that they hadn't seen each other for a long time. 

Jisung went into the apartment with his luggage, but stopped right there. He stood in front of Felix and looked at him confused. Felix smiled and was visibly overwhelmed with the situation. "Who are you?" said Jisung. "I am Felix, I- ", he started but Jisung interrupted him. 

"Did Changbin finally find someone? I thought he would stay single forever, you got yourself a cute boyfriend, Changbin!“ he said smilingly and went towards Felix. Changbin noticed how with every word the redness rose more in his face.

"We're not together", Felix and Changbin said at the same time and Jisung looked back and forth between them for a moment. "No? too bad, would be a nice couple. Then why are you here?" he said smiling and turned to Felix again. 

Said boy was just about to answer when Jisung interrupted him with a shocked expression on his face. "Don't say you are Hyunjin's boyfriend," he said shocked, but Felix shook his head. "I am a friend of both", he said and Jisung nodded "Then we have something in common", he said and Felix giggled.

Changbin stood undecided in the hallway and watched the two of them, and they kept on talking. Changbin didn't say a word but just listened and it scared him that the two got along so well right away. 

It wasn't that Changbin was jealous, on the contrary, he was happy when his friends understood each other well, but that they understood each other so well had to mean that they resembled each other in some way. Changbin didn't want to think that Felix was anything like Jisung.

Jisung and Felix talked for a few hours and Changbin sat next to them, listened and said something in between. Jisung and Felix got along very well, both were bright and cheerful.

Jisung was loud and talked a lot, Felix was a bit more shy, but the two together were pure happiness. On top of that, they both liked the same things. Both liked the same food, the same colours, the same music, they shared far too many interests and Changbin felt a little out of place. 

Suddenly they heard the key in the lock and all three turned towards the door as Hyunjin entered. "Hyunjin," Jisung said cheerfully and ran towards the taller one. "Hello Jisung", he said a little less enthusiastic but happy. The two hugged each other briefly. "Thank you so much for letting me stay here until my apartment is ready, I'm sure we'll have a great time," he said and Hyunjin nodded. "Hm"

The two came back to the sofa and sat down with Changbin and Felix who had watched them. "You already know each other?“ he asked and pointed to Felix and Jisung. The two nodded. 

"Felix is great, it feels like we know each other forever," he said and Felix nodded with a broad smile. Hyunjin looked at them in disbelief and then nodded. "don't get along too well, I need my rest here," he said and everyone started laughing. Hyunjin twisted his eyes but also had to laugh.

Hyunjin and Jisung hated each other at first. Jisung found Hyunjin arrogant and Hyunjin found Jisung childish and annoying. 

Meanwhile the two are friends, and even if they don't resemble each other in the slightest, they have one thing in common. 

Partying. 

Jisung stood in front of Changbin's mirror and turned around to see himself from every perspective and Changbin lay on his bed looking at his mobile phone. 

"Does the pants make me look fat?" asked the younger one and Changbin looked up briefly. "No," he said emotionlessly and looked back at his cell phone. Jisung groaned annoyed. "You really aren't a good help, and you should slowly get yourself ready. We leave in two hours and you have nothing better to do than look at your mobile phone," he complained but Changbin ignored him. 

Jisung had come up with the idea of going to a party (as a celebration that he was moving to the area), and Hyunjin had been directly thrilled. Felix also didn't mind as he hadn't been away for a long time, and Changbin agreed after a long talk of his friends. 

"Felix", the younger one suddenly shouted and Chagbin shrugged briefly. The door was opened and Felix stormed into the room. "I need your help, Changbin won't help me with my outfit selection," he said and Changbin gave a quiet "pfft" of himself, whereupon the two looked at him. 

Changbin looked at them and shrugged his shoulders. "I want to wear this top but the only pants that fit makes me look fat," Jisung said desperately. Felix put an arm around him. "You never look fat, have you looked at yourself?" he said and Changbin pulled a face. 

"Look at my legs, I can't put the pants on," he said and held his head dramatically. "You can wear anything," said Felix and smiled encouragingly at him. 

"You sound like two girls in puberty," Changbin said with a disgusted face. Felix and Jisung looked at him in shook. Jisung laid his hand dramatically on his chest and Felix shook his head in disbelief. "Just because we support each other doesn't mean we're 15-year-old girls. You don't have to say anything, you don't even know what you're wearing," Jisung said offended and Felix nodded. 

Felix and Jisung were like twins who were separated at birth and met each other again after many years. They only knew each other for three days and have been inseparable ever since, and as much as Changbin loved them, it was really exhausting. 

"You can get ready somewhere else, we'll meet in the room in an hour and a half," said Jisung and pulled Changbin up from bed. "This is my room," he said in disbelief, but Jisung and Felix pushed him out of the room and closed the door.

Changbin went to Hyunjin's room, where Hyunjin also stood at his closet and took out clothes wildly. "Don't you know what to wear?" Changbin asked and Hyunjin turned around. 

His face was covered with a face mask and Changbin was shocked at the sight. He was sure he had never seen anything this creepy. "You look disgusting," he said and Hyunjin twisted his eyes. 

"At least I do something for my appearance, this perfect skin does not come by itself. Besides, I'm looking for something specific, I just don't know where I put it," he said and turned back to his closet. 

Changbin nodded and sat down on Hyunjin's bed. "I was being kicked out of my own room by Jisung and Felix," he said and Hyunjin giggled. "You forget immediately what I say now but they are somehow sweet," he said and Changbin gave a choking sound. "You must be kidding," he said and Hyunjin giggled. 

Hyunjin made a surprised sound and turned around happily. He held up a colorful blouse and Changbin looked at him in disbelief. "That's what you were looking for?“ he asked and Hyunjin nodded.

He put the blouse to some other clothes and sat down at his table where he started to take off his mask. 

"Felix boyfriend also comes," he said suddenly and Changbin opened his eyes in surprise. 

He knew Felix was in a relationship, but he didn't even know his boyfriend's name. Felix never talked about him and otherwise changbin would have no way to learn about him. 

"Cool," he said and Hyunjin giggled. "You don't have to be jealous," Hyunjin said and Changbin groaned annoyed. "I'm not jealous," he said and Hyunjin nodded. "Of course not.“

Felix looked good and Changbin couldn't help but look at him. He wore tight jeans and a white shirt, his hair was styled and his ears were decorated with long earrings. He wore chains and rings and his eyelashes were long and dark, framing his brown eyes. Felix waited smiling at the door for Changbin and Hyunjin, but Jisung was nowhere to be seen. Hyunjin and Changbin joined in and looked at Felix questioningly. "I look after him," Hyunjin said annoyed and walked towards changbins room. 

Felix and Changbin stood next to each other for a few seconds without saying a word. 

"You look good," Felix said all of a sudden and Changbin noticed how the redness rose in his face. "I- thank you? You look also...Uhm.... pretty", he brought out and Felix giggled. 

Hyunjin and Jisung came from Changbin's room, Hyunjin annoyed and Jisung stressed. Hyunjin went to the door without saying anything and opened it. "Let's go," he said and hold the door open. 

Felix smilingly hooked into Jisung and the two went out, followed by a quiet Changbin with a fast heartbeat and an annoyed Hyunjin with colorful blouse. 

Changbin didn't know what he was expecting. 

The club was small (actually not so small but it seemed tiny) and stuffy and it smelled of sweat, the dance floor was full of people dancing to terrible music and neon lasers darted across the club. Changbin felt his heart racing fast and he would love to turn back, but he had promised his friends to stay with them for a little while. 

The four stood briefly undecided at the entrance and Changbin looked directly at the benches standing at the sides. Jisung and Hyunjin watched the other people and Felix leaned briefly against Hyunjin to whisper something. He nodded and Hyunjin leaned towards Jisung. He smiled and Changbin had no idea what his friends were talking about until Hyunjin leaned towards him. "We wait briefly for Felix's company and then we can dance," he said and Changbin swallowed hard.

He didn't know why, but he was excited to meet Felix boyfriend. He was probably thinking so it way too much. 

The four went to the seats and settled down. Changbin sat outside, Felix sat right next to him, just close enough for her thighs to touch and Changbin felt the need to pull his leg away and at the same time wanted to sit like this forever.

Jisung and Felix talked excitedly about something and Changbin watched the people dancing as Felix suddenly stopped talking and stood up. Changbin followed him with his gaze.

Felix walked towards a person, Changbin could hardly recognize him. It was a young man and Felix hugged him before they came back.

Changbin had the opportunity to take a closer look at him. He looked older than Felix but not much older, he was taller than Felix but probably smaller than Hyunjin. He was trained but he had a rather cute face. As far as Changbin could see he had dark brown hair, but they could also be blonde and only look dark because of the bad lighting. 

Changbin would lie if he said he didn't look good, it wasn't a "you're my type and I'm interested in you" kind of attractive, but he looked good.

"This is Minho," Felix said loudly, almost drowned out by the loud music. "My boyfriend" 

Hyunjin smiled and also stood up to briefly embrace "Minho". The two apparently knew each other. 

"Hello, I am Jisung", Jisung screamed loudly and stretched out his hand. Minho looked down at his hand and then back into Jisung's face, which was decorated with a broad smile. He also smiled and took his hand. 

The two shook their hands a little longer than necessary and Changbin noticed him getting more excited. He didn't know why, but his palms started sweating and he nervously wiped them off his jeans. 

"And you are...“, Minho asked and looked at Changbin. "Changbin“, Changbin said, and he tried to speak loudly and clearly but failed miserably. Minho looked at him confused. "Could you say that again, I didn’t-" "Changbin" 

"Ah Changbin," he said, smiling slightly. He stretched out his hand and Changbin took it. Felix watched the whole thing with a smile.

"Now that we all know each other we can go dancing," Hyunjin said and before the others could say anything he had already disappeared into the crowd. "I go too," said Jisung and disappeared as well. 

Changbin sat back in his seat and Minho and Felix sat next to him. "I'm glad you could come," Felix said happily and looked at Minho. Minho also smiled and nodded. 

Felix clung to Minho's arm and Minho leaned forward to kiss Felix on the head. 

Changbin felt out of place. Not only at this table but in the whole club. Hyunjin and Jisung danced and had the time of their lives, and he sat next to Felix and Minho who faded out the world around them and only had eyes for each other. 

Suddenly someone nudged him on the arm and he shrugged briefly until he turned to the other two. He looked at them questioningly and Felix giggled. "Do you want to dance?" asked the blonde one and Changbin looked at Minho. 

"Minho is mean and doesn't want to dance with me," he said and Changbin smiled slightly. "Actually, I don't want to-," he started, but Felix was already standing in front of him trying to pull him up. "You dance with me now," he said and Changbin nodded.

The music was terrible, the air was stuffy and it was full, but changbin could fade out all that and only paid attention to the boy in front of him. 

Colorful lamps colored his skin purple, on his lips lay a broad smile and Changbin imagined he could hear the laughter of the younger now and then. 

While Changbin stood awkwardly on the dance floor, his arms swinging strangely through the air, Felix could actually dance well. His movements were fluid and matched the beat, and Changbin felt like an idiot.

He could only pay attention to Felix and collided a few times with other people, but his attention was focused only on the blonde-haired one.

Felix laughed again and pulled changbin on the arm more into the crowd. Felix also only looked after Changbin, sometimes he closed his eyes and smiled broadly, but most of the time he saw directly into Changbin's eyes. 

Changbin didn't know how much time had passed, but at some point Changbin bumped into a pretty drunk Jisung and decided it was time for him to get off the dance floor. Felix followed him and the two let themselves fall onto the benches they were sitting on before they started dancing.

Changbin leaned back exhausted and Felix laughed loudly before dropping his head on Changbin's shoulder and closing his eyes. "I wouldn't have thought you could be fun," said the younger one.

Changbin lay his hand on his chest and pretended to be shocked. "What does that mean? You can always have fun with me," he said and crossed his arms in front of his chest. 

Felix laughed loudly and nodded. "You're right, I can always have fun with you," he said and put his head back on changbin's shoulder. He closed his eyes and smiled for some time.

Jisung was exhausting, but there was one thing that was even more exhausting than Jisung. 

Drunk Jisung. 

Hyunjin was far from sober, but he was sane - unlike Jisung. He was hanging around on the dance floor and it looked like he was trying to dance, but he was more staggering back and forth than actually dancing. Felix sat on Minho's lap, Hyunjin lay half on the bench with his head in changbin's lap. They all watched Jisung until Felix decided the five should leave. 

Felix and Changbin talked for a few minutes with Jisung, but he didn't want to leave until he threw himself into Changbin's arms and actually fell asleep there. 

Minho turned out to be a good carrier, he took Jisung and carried him out of the club. Jisung didn't seem to wake up, so he decided to carry him any further. 

Changbin and Felix walked beside Minho (and Jisung) and Hyunjin followed them tiredly. 

"It was great today, right?" Felix said all of a sudden with a big grin and Minho sighed, "You know I hate to party but you're right, it was okay," he said. Felix turned to Changbin. 

"It was great, right?" he asked with expectant eyes and Changbin nodded. "I'll never party with Jisung again but yes, it was good," he said and Felix laughed. "I am so happy to spend time with my dearest people," he said and put one arm around Changbin and his other arm around Minho, who shook him off. "I'll drop him," he said, pointing to Jisung.

The five went home through the dark night, Jisung on Minho's arm and Felix arm around Changbin's shoulder, Hynjin trotted tiredly behind, and Changbin couldn't be happier. 

He didn't know why, but he was incredibly happy at that moment and wished to stay in it for a long time.

The next time Changbin saw Minho and Felix was two days later. 

Felix had the appointment with him to get the tattoo. Changbin entered the waiting room and saw Felix playing excitedly with his hands and Minho was sitting next to him, looking at his phone. 

"Hey," Changbin said and the two looked up. Felix began to smile slightly. "Hey," he replied and Minho nodded. "Come with me," he said and the two followed him.

„Are you excited?" Changbin asked and Felix nodded shyly. Changbin took Felix hand in his and began to clean the spot where the tattoo was supposed to be. "You don't have to be excited, it hurts a bit, but I promise it'll be good," he said and Felix nodded. 

While Chanbin pricked the tattoo he often made little pauses and asked how the younger one was doing because he was afraid that it was too much for him. Minho seemed a little bored, he didn't speak a word but just looked around the room or looked at his cell phone. 

The tattoo was done and Changbin smiled. "Done," he said and Felix looked at him with big eyes. "Really?" he asked and Changbin nodded. Felix slowly tilted his head and began to grin broadly as he saw the flower on his wrist. 

"It's so beautiful," he said and Changbin smiled at him. "Thank you," he said and embraced Changbin carefully, careful not to touch him with the tattoo. "Nothing to thank, that's my job after all," he laughed and Felix laughed too. 

"Look“, said the blonde and turned in the direction of Minho. He took a look at Felix's wrist. "Looks nice," he said and drew his attention back to his cell phone. 

To Changbin's surprise, Minho paid and Felix embraced him stormy. He kissed Minho on the cheek and Changbin tried to look everywhere except at the two in front of him. 

He explained to Felix all the important things he needed to know about the tattoo, how to keep it clean and other important things before Minho and Felix said goodbye. 

Felix waved at him with a wide grin and Changbin waved back through the window.

"I'm so glad Jisung's moving out," Hyunjin said. Jisung turned around. "I'm standing right behind you," he said, but Hyunjin just shrugged his shoulders. "I know" 

Jisung was finally allowed to move into his apartment and everyone was packing the things he had stowed away at Hyunjin and Changbin. Minho and Felix had come to help carry and Changbin had taken a day off to help as well. 

"I'd love to stay with you," Jisung said. "No", Hyunjin and Changbin said at the same time and Jisung crossed his arms, almost dropping a vase. "I'm not that bad," he said and Felix giggled. "You know you're my twin but you messed up the whole apartment," he said and Changbin nodded approvingly. 

"You shouldn't have bought so much decoration for your apartment before you could even move in," Minho said and Jisung sulked. "But the things are nice," he said and continued packing things into the boxes that Minho had brought with him. 

"I would never put anything like that in my apartment but you have bad taste anyway," Hyunjin said and Jisung hit him lightly on the arm. "That's not true at all," he said offended. "You have a much worse taste," he added. 

"You both have a bad taste and now go on," Changbin said and was viewed by Jisung and Hyunjin. "You always wear only black clothes," Jisung said shocked. 

"Besides, you look like a zombie with the circles under your eyes," Hyunjin added. "You don't have to say anything," Jisung and Hyunjin said at the same time before they started laughing. 

Changbin shook his head and continued to put Jisung's things away. "Why am I doing this at all?" he asked himself rather than the others. 

"Because you are a nice friend", Felix suddenly answered next to him and Changbin flinched slightly. "Can you help me?", the blonde asked and pointed to a full box. Changbin nodded and together they lifted the box.

They carefully went down the stairs to Jisungs car and loaded the first box. "Somehow I’m sad that Jisung is moving out," Felix suddenly said and changbin frowned.

"He lives down the street," he said, but Felix shook his head. "I didn't mean that. I want him to be with you and Hyunjin, even if it was only for a short time," he said and Changbin looked at him questioningly. "Why with us?“

"I've only known him so briefly but I really like him, he's a great friend, and when he's with you two all the important people are right under one roof," he said and Changbin noticed how his heart started beating wildly in his chest. He didn't know how to answer and looked shyly at the floor. Felix giggled and wobbled with his hand through Changbin's hair, which for once was not hidden under a cap. 

Changbin gave way slightly to the back and Felix took his hand back. He smiled at him slightly and looked straight into his eyes. 

Changbin never wanted to kiss someone that badly like he wanted to kiss Felix in this moment. Felix stood in front of him, a contented smile on his lips and a glitter in his eyes, but he had a boyfriend, and even if he had none he wouldn’t return Changbin's feelings, so Changbin just smiled slightly before he went past the younger one and back into the house.

All the boxes were in the car and the five were sitting in the living room, all exhausted from carrying. 

"I'll never move again," said Jisung and Felix giggled. "And if you move again, I won't help you again," Hyunjin said. "I'll help you," Felix said before Jisung could complain. 

"You are a real friend," said Jisung and put his arm around Felix. "You lived with us and yet you prefer Felix?“ Hyunjin brought out upset and Jisung nodded. 

"I'm hungry," Minho said suddenly and Changbin nodded. "I'm starving," he said and held his stomach. "Shall we order something?" Felix asked and everyone agreed nodding. 

Changbin ordered for all and sat down afterwards again to you. "What do you think if we all dye our hair?" Jisung asked suddenly. Felix sat up. "That would be so cool", he said and clapped his hands excitedly. 

"Yes! I want to try something different for a long time but I don't want to destroy my hair alone," Jisung said cheerfully. "Jisung you must do something unusual, blue or something like that! And hyunjin in blond, I must see that! Besides, I want to dye my hair dark again", Felix said excitedly.

"No," Minho suddenly said seriously and Felix turned around. „Why not?" he asked. "I like your light hair," he said. "I like it too, but I like my dark hair too," he said and Minho shrugged his shoulders. "Do what you want, I don't care," he said and Felix turned back to Jisung. 

"Okay, so-" Felix started, but Jisung looked past him to Minho. "Did you just tell him not to do what makes him happy?" he asked incredulously and Minho shrugged his shoulders. 

"I said it doesn't matter to me, maybe I like his dark hair too," he said, but Jisung didn't seem to be satisfied with it. He stood up suddenly and everyone looked at him. "Felix is allowed to do whatever he wants with his body," he said and seemed angry. "It's okay," Felix said and grabbed Jisung's arm to calm him down. 

"No, it's not, you have to decide if you want to dye your hair," he said. "I can say what I think about it, can't I?" Minho asked and stood up too. 

The two stood opposite each other and looked at each other, and Hyunjin, as always, could not keep his mouth shut.

"Suddenly the mood was tense," he said and everyone looked at him. A few seconds passed in silence until Minho began to talk. "Actually I didn't want to say it so seriously, I just wanted to say my opinion, but some people take words more seriously than they are meant", he said shrugging his shoulders and obviously meaning Jisung. 

He just wanted to say something until Changbin spoke in between. "It's okay, just let us talk about something else," he said and Minho nodded. Minho sat down next to Felix and put his arm around him. He whispered something into his ear and Felix turned to him to kiss his cheek and then put his head on his shoulder.

Despite the small argument it was a beautiful evening. Everyone watched a film together and talked. 

Changbin didn't like to admit it, but he liked Minho. Minho sometimes seemed uninterested, cold and unwelcoming, but actually he was funny and liked to tell about his life, just like Changbin. 

The five got along well together, and Changbin had a short glimmer of hope that they would eventually become a friend group, just like he always wanted. 

Maybe it was impossible because he had feelings for Felix and he had a boyfriend, maybe Minho and Jisung didn't get along so well together, maybe Jisung and Hyunjin still secretly hated each other, but Changbin allowed himself to hope for a moment.


	3. Chapter 3

There are many things Changbin doesn't like to admit. 

He always had problems to open himself up to others, and that was mainly because he had to be honest not only with others, but also with himself. 

To be honest with yourself is very difficult, at least Changbin thought so. It was hard to admit something you didn't want to admit or to realize that you had made a mistake. Changbin knew that it was important to be honest, because you won't get far lying to yourself or hiding your feelings, but so far Changbin had survived.

He didn't know where this insecurity came from, it always lived deep inside him and he never managed to overcome it. He trusted Hyunjin a lot, but he did not talk to anyone about his deepest thoughts and feelings, especially because he wanted to hide them from himself. 

How could he tell others the truth if he himself did not know what was true?

Instead of talking about his thoughts, he preferred to get tattoos or to do tattoos on somebody else’s skin. (Or on himself, but Changbin actually found it quite exhausting.) 

He knew early that this was the right job for him. He had always liked to paint with pencils on his or his friends' skin, at some point he had started to make serious sketches and transferred them to his skin. 

His parents always tried to tell him that his dream to become an tattoo artist was stupid, but Changbin had a dream and he wanted it to become true.

Without Chan he would never be the person he is now. Hyunjin had always supported him, no matter how stupid the idea was, but he couldn't help him to become a tattoo artist. 

Chan had opened his own tattoo studio early, he wasn't much older than Changbin but had got a lot of support from his father. It was a small studio, not many rooms and not many workers, the furnishings were dark and many people didn't dare come in, but Changbin loved the studio more than any other place. Chan seemed threatening and strict at first, but he was caring and supportive, wise and could give good advice. He had taken Changbin, showed him the job and hired him afterwards. 

If Changbin really thought about it, probably no other studio would have hired him at the beginning. At the beginning he had no experience at all, after some time with Chan he was able to engrave simple motives. Meanwhile he was a good tattoo artist, there were some things he couldn't sting well, and especially colors he couldn't handle well, but Chan only assigned him tasks he could master and Changbin could learn more and improve every day.

Changbin himself had no colorful tattoos, he found them beautiful on the skin of others but in his opinion they just did not fit him.

Changbin had managed to make his greatest dream come true, and he was grateful to everyone who had supported him in the slightest.

There was still one thing Changbin was missing especially lately. His dream had always been to become a tattoo artist, but now that he had reached his dream, he had no wish anymore. 

He didn't have a goal he wanted to strive for anymore, and as it turned out it made people feel pretty empty.

It was a cloudy morning but the sunlight was already making an appearance when Changbin woke up.

It was one of those days where Changbin had no motivation. He felt somehow depressed and didn't want to get out of bed, instead he wanted to lie all day in his dark room moping.

He didn't have to work today but had the whole day to himself, but Changbin hated those days. 

When he was still at school he was happy about his days off, but since he did the job he loved he preferred to work, even if he did it too much. 

Chan always told him that he was working too hard and could take a break, but Changbin had a constant need to do something, a constant thirst for action that only disappeared on days like this.

He decided to start a series, and he hated it after the first 15 minutes, but he had nothing better to do. Hyunjin was used to Changbin sometimes not leaving his room, everyone had such days. 

After some time Changbin got used to the bad actors, and he was satisfied with the thought that he probably wouldn't become productive today when he heard steps and voices outside his door. 

He couldn't hear what the voices were saying, and Changbin decided not to pay any more attention when his door was opened. 

Changbin looked at the door and a little light came through the narrow gap of the door until it was closed again. Changbin pressed the pause button on his laptop and sat up in his bed.

He looked questioningly at the person who had entered the room. The light was turned off and the roller shutters closed, and Changbin recognized only the outline of a petite figure. Changbin could recognize this figure among hundreds, he knew instantly who it was.

"Hey," said a deep voice and Changbin swallowed. He was right. "Hey," he replied, and his voice was a little raspy, probably because he hadn't used it all day. 

"May I come in?" Felix asked. "You're already standing in the middle of my room," Changbin replied and Felix came closer to his bed until he stood in front of it. 

He couldn't see him too well because it was very dark, but Changbin saw his contours. He leaned to the side and turned on a small light, because he wanted to see the boy in front of him.

"Why are you here?“ he asked carefully and Felix looked at his feet. Changbin wasn’t mad, he was just curious. "I actually wanted to ask if you wanted to have dinner with Hyunjin, Minho, Jisung and me tonight, but Hyunjin just told me that you were not well," he answered quietly and smiled.

Changbin briefly allowed himself to think that Felix had been worried and wanted to see after him, that he was important to the younger one, but he knew that Felix only wanted to be friendly.

"I'm fine, I don't have any motivation but I'm fine," he said and Felix looked up.

"That's good. If you don't want to go it's okay but the offer still stands," said Felix and Changbin nodded. "I think about it."

On Felix's lips lay a satisfied smile. "May I sit with you?", he asked and pointed to the place next to Changbin. The brown haired nodded and slipped a little to the side so Felix could sit next to him. To changbins surprise Felix lifted the blanket and lay down next to him, their bodies now close.

"What are you watching?" he asked and pointed to the laptop. "Uhm... ", Changbin began to stutter, suddenly forgetting the name of the show he has watched for several hours now. Felix giggled. "I watch with you," the blonde said and lifted the laptop onto his lap.

As it turned out, Felix found the show just as bad as Changbin, but that didn't bother them, because they had a reason to make fun of the bad jokes and the terrible acting. 

Changbin wouldn't have thought his day would be a good one, but with Felix next to him, a big grin on his face and a loud laugh every now and then, he was happy. 

The two lay next to each other for a long time, both laughed and had fun, when suddenly there was a knock at the door. Hyunjin opened the door without waiting for an answer like he always did, and suddenly stood beside the bed. 

"What are you doing here?“ he asked, looking questioningly at the unusual picture in front of him. Changbin had to smile. "We watch this super bad show, you have to watch it with us," Felix said with a big grin and already made room for the other one, but Hyunjin shook his head. 

"Another time, I just wanted to tell you that Minho is here," he said and the next moment said boy entered the room. 

Minho looked as always, his dark hair pared so that his forehead was revealed, his eyes dark like his black leather jacket.

"Hey Minho," Felix said happily and Minho smiled as well. "Hey babe"

Changbin noticed how his stomach contracted painfully, the feeling was weird and unfamiliar, and he was ashamed to react to such small things. 

Minho came closer to the bed and Felix stretched out his arms to hug him. Minho also hugged him and kissed him on the forehead. He wanted to stand up straight again, but Felix clung to his neck.

"Felix," said the older one, but Felix just giggled. Minho kept trying to put himself up straight, but Felix didn't let go. "Let go of me, Felix," he said and Felix actually let go. 

Felix looked at Minho with big eyes and a big grin. Changbin couldn't really interpret the look, but he knew he wanted Felix to look at him that way some day. "I wanted to pick you up," said the older one and Felix nodded. "Okay, I'll be right there," he said.

"I have to go somewhere, we have to go now if you want to have dinner with the others tonight," he said and Felix sighed before he nodded. 

"Do you want to go with us?" he asked Changbin and said boy nodded. "Okay, well, see you later," he said and stood up. 

Suddenly it felt cold without Felix body next to his, and Changbin wanted to reach out for the younger and pull him back into his bed. 

He waved at Changbin from the door before leaving the room with Minho and Hyunjin, and Changbin waved back.

Just a moment ago the bed was warm and the room filled with loud laughter, now it was cold and empty.

Changbin couldn't stop staring at Felix's neck.

The younger one wore a T-shirt and you could see his neck, which was marked with a purple hickey. 

Changbin stared at the stain as it would disappear, as if it would simply be vanishing into thin air, but the more he looked at the spot the darker it seemed to become. 

Only 3 hours ago it hadn't been there, when Felix sat next to him and the two had watched a series, it wasn't there yet, and he didn’t want to know how it got there. 

"Changbin?" someone suddenly asked and Changbin awoke from his rigidity. He looked around and tried to find out who had called him until his gaze caught on Minho, who looked at him with a kind of worried look.

"Yes?" he asked and tried to look as normal as possible. "Is everything okay?" he asked and Changbin swallowed hard. 

For a moment he thought the older one had noticed his stare, but Minho did look worried.

"Yes, why should something be wrong?" he asked and laughed nervously. 

"You seemed a little distracted, I just wanted to make sure you’re okay," he said and Changbin nodded. "Everything is all right," he said and smiled. Minho also smiled and looked back at his card.

"I don't know what to eat," complained Jisung all of a sudden. "I heard that’s good," Felix said and leaned towards him, possibly to show him the food. 

Minho had chosen the restaurant, and as it turned out, he and Felix had been there many times before.

"So, how are things going at the moment?," Minho asked Hyunjin. "Well, I really don't feel like studying any more, but I guess I have to go through it," he said and Minho nodded. 

"I understand you, I wonder why I started in the first place," Jisung suddenly said. "I hate university," Felix said meekly. 

"Our Changbin is the only one who made the smart decision not to study," said Minho and put his hand on Changbin's shoulder. 

Changbin looked at his hand, surprised by the sudden touch, even if it was just a hand on his shoulder. "I am glad not to study," he said and laughed awkwardly. 

"I'd really like to trade with you," Jisung said and put his header on his palms. "You have a job you love, you live with your best friend and on top of that you look totally cool with your tattoos," he said and Changbin laughed nervously. 

"Jisung with tattoos is a no from me, how strange a squirrel with tattoos would look?“ Hyunjin said and Jisung hit him on the shoulder outraged. 

"Felix also has tattoos," he said, pointing to the younger one. Felix giggled. "I have one tattoo, Jisung," he said and Jisung nodded. 

"Changbin did it, right?" he asked and Felix nodded. "I love it, Changbin is so talented and it fits you so well! I would also like to have a tattoo done by him," Jisung said and turned to Changbin, whose cheeks were reddened.

"I have already said that it will look like shit," said Hyunjin shrugging his shoulders. "Shut up," said Jisung and twisted his eyes. 

"Minho also has a tattoo," Felix suddenly said meekly and everyone looked at Minho. "Really?" asked Jisung with big eyes and Minho nodded. 

"I had it done a year ago," he said and pulled up his sleeves. 

‚boys cry too', he had on his upper arm. 

Changbin liked it very much, it was simple but exactly his taste. He himself had similar lettering on his body, and he planned even more.

"Looks good," Changbin said and Minho smiled slightly at him before Jisung intervened. "That's so cool, now I want a tattoo even more!" Jisung said with big eyes. Minho laughed nervously and pulled his sleeve down again.

Three days later Jisung and Minho suddenly stood in Chan's tattoo studio. It was strange that they came alone, without Felix, but Changbin had to accept that everyone had friends and that they probably had become close friends. 

"I want a tattoo," said Jisung, expressing the obvious. Changbin nodded. "I have time, we can discuss everything," he said and the three went into his room to plan the motif. 

In the end, it became a simple half moon on his upper arm, and he wanted it stung right the next day. Changbin had expected a motive of this kind, because Jisung was a night enthusiastic, he loved the stars, the moon and everything around.

The next day Minho and Jisung came back as agreed and Jisung got his tattoo from Changbin. 

"Look," he said when they finished and turned to Minho. He smiled. "Looks good," he said and Jisung smiled even wider. 

This time it wasn't Minho who paid but Jisung, and the two disappeared not with a wave but with a hug.

"You know what I’m thinking about lately?" Felix asked and ran around the table to sit down with his coffee.

It felt a bit like the very beginning, only Hyunjin, Felix and Changbin, in the morning after Felix had slept at Hyunjin and was now wearing one of his shirts. (This time without hickeys, and this time Changbin knew they weren't from Hyunjin anyway.) 

"What?“ asked Changbin and looked up from his drawing. He designed a motif for a new customer and wanted to start as soon as possible to finish it quickly. 

"As we all know, our dear Hyunjin likes to have fun“, he said and sat down next to him on a chair before he put his arm around his shoulders. 

Changbin distorted his face. "I really don't want to talk about it," he said and Felix giggled. "Listen to me," he said and Changbin nodded. 

"When was the last time you were at a party?" he asked and Hyunjin thought briefly. "A few weeks ago when I was away with you two, Minho and Jisung," he said and shrugged his shoulders.

"When was the last time you were at a party alone?" he asked and Hyunjin frowned. "What do you want?" he asked. "Just answer," Changbin said, not knowing what the younger wanted but wanting to find out. 

"It's all right, about a week before I was with you, but why do you want to know?“ Felix grinned broadly. 

"No party means no acquaintance. What are you hiding from us?" he asked and put his finger on Hyunjin's chest. Suddenly Changbin realized what Felix was getting at. 

"You-" Changbin started but didn't finish. "Our Hyunjin has a girlfriend, right?" Felix asked, Hyunjin shook his head. 

"Then a boyfriend," Changbin said and Hyunjin sighed. "Neither," he said and wanted to get up. 

"Stay here," said Felix and held him back by his arm. Hyunjin groaned annoyed. "I don't have a relationship with anyone, you know that doesn't work with me," he said and Felix sulked.

"I still have hope that you will find someone someday," he said and hyunjin shook his head. "Concentrate on your own relationship," he said and Felix sulked even more than before. 

"What was the reason for the sudden change of opinion?" Changbin asked teasingly. "You have to find a boyfriend or girlfriend before you talk," he said and Changbin tried to pout, but had to laugh. Felix laughed out loud. 

"Changbin finds someone else but you show strong signs of a secret relationship," said Felix and Hyunjin threw his hands in the air. 

"Can't I do anything without being analyzed?“ he asked and Felix shook his head.

"If I don't soon get to know your boyfriend or girlfriend I'll end our friendship," said the blonde-haired one, crossing his arms in front of his chest. 

Hyunjin groaned a last time before leaving the room, leaving behind a laughing Changbin and a laughing Felix.

Loving someone has no clear ending and no clear beginning. It is a long process, the transitions between hating and loving a person are blurred. 

Changbin had never loved anyone, he couldn't say how this feeling felt, but the more he got to know Felix, the more he thought he would experience it, at least the first part.

Changbin was afraid of it. Love was a strong feeling, just like hate, and he was afraid that it might be strong enough to overshadow all the other feelings, and that it could destroy the satisfaction he carried within him.

"Were you ever in love, Chan?" he asked while the older one was clearing away a few things. Chan turned to him, the eyebrows contracted and his forehead wrinkled.

"I was, I am right now, if I'm honest. Why do you ask?“ he replied and Changbin shrugged his shoulders.

Deep down he knew why he asked, he knew that he was curious and couldn't answer the questions himself, and he also knew that he didn't want to ask Hyunjin because Hyunjin didn't know the answer himself and he would tease the older one with it, but he couldn't and wouldn't tell Chan everything. He trusted him, but it was hard enough to understand what was happening so how could he talk about it?

"How does it feel to love?", he continued, and Chan didn't ask any more about the reason for his curiosity but simply answered him, because he knew that the younger one wouldn't talk to him. It had always been like this, Changbin asked for advice without explaining his situation, but Chan didn't mind, at least he never said anything about it.

"Love is a very strong word, you know? When you love a person, it's like the world exists just for them, like it's the reason for life," he said and Changbin frowned. 

"How does it feel to love?“ he asked further and Chan interrupted briefly what he was doing to think. 

Chan always thought about his words several times before pronouncing them, because he knew that everything he said would have an effect on his friends.

"If you feel like the person has hang the stars at the sky, and if it feels like your heart is beating just for them, that’s when you love somebody" he answered and Changbin nodded.

He still couldn't imagine the feeling, but when Chan talked about it, he realized how much he longed for something that sounded this beautiful. He wanted someone to look at him and think the same.

"So the person is very important to you?" he said. "It's so much more, if you love then you know it. You can feel how the feeling is suddenly there," he answers.

Changbin nodded. He wanted to love and he wanted to be loved. Love seemed to be a complicated thing, but Changbin wanted to experience it.

It was a pleasantly warm Friday morning, the clock showed six o'clock in the morning, and Changbin sat on the large couch in the living room and watched the sun come out beyond the horizon, coloring the sky in the most beautiful colors. 

Changbin had always loved sunrises, he liked them better than sunsets, and as he watched a new day begin, he let his thoughts run wild. 

He took a sip of his coffee and thought of his life at the time, like he always did when he watched the sunrise. 

He had made great friends, Hyunjin, who has actually always been there, Jisung who was back, Minho, who was also nice and he didn't want to think about Felix at all, but the boy made his life a lot better. 

The blonde one had enchanted him, the first time Changbin had seen him he knew that from now on he didn't want to watch the sunrise alone anymore, but wanted to hold the little hand of the younger one and look into his eyes, that would shine in the light. 

Changbin often thought of the morning back when he first met the younger one, of his hair and eyes, and especially of his tanned skin that suddenly looked like honey.

An hour later the sun was high in the sky, Hyunjin had said goodbye to go to university and Changbin was just sitting on a project for work when it rang. 

He briefly thought about not opening the door at all, but decided to do so, because maybe it was important. He opened the door and stood in the door frame for a few moments while he listened to the footsteps echoing in the stairwell. 

When the person had reached the last steps and Changbin could see him, he tilted his head.

In front of him stood Felix, which was not unusual, but instead of a broad grin on his lips, he had red, swollen eyes and cheeks covered with tears.

Changbin looked at him briefly, undecided what to do now, but after a few seconds he opened the door and Felix ran into the apartment. 

He sat down on the couch and angled his legs, his head on his knees. Changbin followed him and sat down next to him, careful that there was a small gap between the two because he didn't want the younger one to feel uncomfortable. 

"Hey," Changbin said quietly in a soft voice. Felix did not react but remained in his position, and Changbin felt the need to comfort the younger one, to hold him in his arms and to dry his tears, but he knew that Felix might not want that.

"Hey, Felix," he said again and the younger one turned his head slightly so that his head still lay on his knees but now turned to Changbin. He looked at him from weeping eyes, his long, black and actually curved eyelashes glued by tears. 

Changbin looked at him worried, he wanted to do something to make the younger one feel better, but he had never been good at such things.

"What's the matter?" he asked and tilted his head. He talked quietly, as if he was afraid that he would make the younger one cry again with every word too loud. Felix still looked at him with big eyes, blinking slowly and breathing heavily. 

"I had an argument with Minho," he said quietly, almost inaudibly, and his voice broke in the middle of the sentence. Changbin kept looking at him worried. 

He didn't know what to do, whether to ask the other about it or just be quiet. He didn't know if to encourage Felix, because he didn't want to make empty promises, not incidents about Minho, whom he barely knew. 

"I ruined everything," Felix said and his eyes filled with tears again. 

Changbin wanted to prevent him from crying again and tried desperately to find the right words, but all of a sudden he felt like he was unable to speak. 

"I'm so stupid," he said again and Changbin shook his head quickly. "You're not," he said, undecided whether it was okay to say that, because he had never experienced Felix like that before and didn't know what was good or bad. 

"What happened?“ Changbin asked, hoping it was okay to invade Felix's privacy, but he wanted to help. 

"I started a stupid fight with him," he said again and Changbin nodded. "I've been jealous for so long but at some point I couldn't hold it back and the words just came out of me," he said and a tear rolled down his cheek. 

"Don't cry," Changbin said carefully and Felix wiped away his tears with his sweater. 

"I'm so stupid," Felix said again, and Changbin couldn't keep watching the younger one speaking bad about himself, and even though he knew he was crossing a line, he started talking. 

"You're not stupid. It's all right to argue and it's all right to be jealous," he said and Felix sighed. 

Changbin wanted to stop talking because he had said enough, but suddenly his mouth talked by itself before he could stop it. 

"Isn't Minho sometimes jealous because you sleep here with us or something?" he said, and he wished he could rewind time and make that unsaid. 

Felix laughed dryly and Changbin just became more worried. 

"I think you have to love a person to be jealous," he said, and it was so dry and without feeling that Changbin wondered what had happened so the younger could say something like that.

Felix decided to sleep that night with Changbin and Hyunjin, actually with Hyunjin in bed, and Changbin hoped that he would wake up tomorrow and everything would be fine again, that Minho and Felix could settle their quarrel and that the younger would be happy again.

It’s on a sunny, warm Wednesday that smells like pine trees that Changbin decided that he has to do something. 

Five days had passed since Felix showed up at his apartment, meanwhile his tears had dried but his soul was still sad. 

Changbin wanted to help him, had tried to cheer him up, but Felix seemed to be very burdened by the argument, and the fact that Changbin didn't know what exactly happened made everything difficult for him. 

Changbin had ordered him his favorite food, he had shown him his drawings and talked about his tattoos (which he never did before), he had rented movies and watched them with Felix and made him breakfast. He had played video games with him and won the first time against Felix, and on any other day he would have cheered, but that day he hadn't said anything but started the next round that Felix won.

Changbin knew he had to do more, and he did his best.

He dressed, even tried to do his hair instead of hiding it under a cap and drove to Felix Apartment. 

Changbin had no license, he had never needed one and wanted to save the money so he rode his bike that he had to get out of the basement, clean and inflate the tires. 

Felix didn't live far away, but it was warm and Changbin refused to put on shorts, so it was exhausting and he sweated.

He felt awful and sweaty when he arrived at Felix's, but he didn't care.

The door opened and in front of him stood a Felix who didn't look as bad as in the beginning, but whose hair was greasy and his face pale.

Changbin forced Felix to take a shower and get ready, and while he heard the water from the shower he sat at the dining table staring at the pictures on the wall. 

Felix had a lot of pictures on the wall and Changbin tried hard to look at them all until the younger one was finished. 

On some pictures he could see Felix's family, on these pictures everybody looked happy and Felix was still small on some. On some there were people Changbin didn't know, probably friends of his, on some was Hyunjin, but on most of them was Minho. 

To judge by the pictures Minho and Felix didn't know each other too long, maybe a little longer than a year. Felix looked happy, he laughed at Minho, sat on his lap or was on his back. Minho also smiled, but he didn't seem as carefree as Felix.

A little later Changbin and Felix sat in the tram, out of the city to a peaceful place Changbin always visited when he himself needed a break from life. 

The trip didn't take too long and Changbin was thankful because it was warm and stuffy with all the people.

The two had arrived and not only Felix was amazed at the sight, also Changbin was impressed every time anew. 

Felix looked at the lake with big eyes, surrounded by a meadow full of flowers and trees. Hardly anyone knew about this place, Changbin had discovered it by chance and told no one about it as if it were his little secret. No one was there but the two of them.

The silence was pleasant, the air clean and the warm, and both sat in the grass and looked into the wide, until the sky turned orange and a cold wind rustled the leaves of the trees. 

The two had not talked the whole time but had enjoyed the silence, and when Changbin looked to Felix he had closed his eyes and turned his face towards the sun, and his skin suddenly looked like honey, just like the first time he saw him. 

Changbin was overstrained when Felix suddenly stood up and ran around, without aim and with closed eyes, but when he grabbed after Changbin's hand and dragged him along, Changbin knew what he always wanted to do.

The two sat in the train, which was now deserted in contrast to the afternoon, the sun had completely disappeared by now and the moon was in the sky.

Felix was still the littlest bit out of breath from how much he ran, how much they laughed, when he spoke up again. 

"Thank you, Changbin," he said and Changbin looked at him, a tiny bit bewildered. Felix already looked at him, his eyes still big and shiny. 

"For what?" Changbin asked and Felix just looked at him. Changbin waited a long time for an answer he didn't seem to get. 

Instead, Felix took out his cell phone and some headphones, plugged one into his own ear and the other carefully into Changbins, and then the two listened to music that Changbin didn’t know but he enjoyed it for inexplicable reasons.

The next time Changbin looked in Felix's direction, he had his eyes closed and moved his mouth slightly to the words coming out of the headphones, smiling just the tiniest bit.


	4. Chapter 4

Something about the sky was satisfying. 

Changbin liked to look at the sky, whether on warm summer days when it was light blue, or on cold winter days when it was covered by clouds. No matter if on the day when the sun was bright and tickling on the skin, or when the night said goodbye and the sun colored the sky in the most beautiful colors. He loved the transition between day and night, when the sun threw everything it captured into a light orange light. 

Even though Changbin spent a lot of his time looking up at the sky, he had never appreciated the sky at night. Jisung had always tried to persuade him, had told him how great the stars and the moon were, how fascinating the universe was, but Changbin had never paid attention to the younger one. He thought of sleeping rather than looking up at the sky at night, even if he couldn't really do it anyway, and when he looked at the sky he couldn’t see what everybody else saw. 

Accordingly, Changbin had no desire for everyone to look at the stars together, but since Felix had suggested the whole thing, he had agreed. 

It was Saturday, only a few days since Changbin had left with Felix, but since Minho should also come Changbin was sure that the two had talked and were on good terms again. 

Hyunjin had asked Changbin and Felix to get snacks, and Changbin didn't had to be told twice, especially as Hyunjin had generously provided his credit card. 

Hyunjin liked the weirdest food and bought the strangest snacks, he liked chocolate with chili and dipped his gummy bears in peanut butter, so Changbin and Felix happily went to the supermarket, because they could buy what they wanted.

Felix and Changbin had a similar taste as the two had found out early on, so Changbin didn't worry about the snack choice of the evening. 

"There's this new chocolate, it's normal chocolate but with dried berries in it, we have to try it," Felix said excitedly as he happily hopped next to Changbin. Changbin disgusted his face at the thought. "Isn't that something for Hyunjin?" he asked and Felix stopped. 

"Don't tell me you've never eaten fruit with chocolate," he said. "Of course but-" "Don't talk back, the chocolate will be bought", Felix said quickly and already went on. 

In the end, Changbin and Felix not only bought the chocolate, but much more. They threw everything they saw into the trolley and clearly exceeded the budget, but since Hyunjin paid, they didn't care.

When they arrived back at the apartment with several bags, Jisung and Minho were already sitting on the couch, both looking at their mobile phones. When Changbin looked through the door, they both smiled at him. "Hey," they both said at the same time and Changbin greeted them as well. 

He would have expected Minho to jump up and help Felix with the bags as soon as he saw him, hug him as a greeting and kiss him, because that's how Minho usually was, but he just smiled at Felix and then looked back at his screen. 

Felix also smiled, and even though Changbin was confused, he said nothing but carried the bags into the kitchen. 

"I think we bought too much," Felix said. "You can never have too many snacks," Changbin said decisively and started unpacking. Felix giggled and also began to empty the bags when Hyunjin, wearing the same shirt as in the club a few months ago, came into the kitchen. 

"I see you bought a lot," he said when he saw what they bought and put an arm around Changbin. He got a quick overview of all the snacks as his eyes suddenly widened. 

"Oh my God," he said and reached for the chocolate Felix had been talking about. "This looks so delicious," he said and was about to rip the chocolate bar open when Changbin took it out of his hand.

"It's for later," he said and Hyunjin sulked. "What are you wearing, I hate this shirt!" Changbin said and pointed to his blouse. Hyunjin looked down on his upper body for a moment, as if he had forgotten what he had put on, and then looked back at Changbin. 

"This is my favourite blouse, I can't help it that you can't see the colours of the world but only wear black," he said offended. "I'm wearing a purple sweater," Changbin answered. 

"That's the darkest purple I've ever seen but okay," Hyunjin said and turned to Felix. "I can see you chose the sweatpants as well," he said as he saw Felix outfit choice, and Felix smiled slightly. 

"I thought it was just a little get-together, I didn't expect you to dress up like that," he said a little embarrassed. "It's no big deal, Minho and Jisung look the same, and from Changbin you can expect nothing but that," he said, pointing to Changbin wearing a purple sweater and black sweatpants. 

Changbin twisted his eyes and Hyunjin giggled before he left the kitchen.

The five decided to spend the time until the evening playing video games, but it was more of a continuous fight between Felix and Changbin, because Hyunjin was the worst player on earth and Jisung and Minho didn't reach the abilities of Felix and Changbin either. 

Changbin had already won against Felix once, but he decided that it didn't count because the younger one wasn't in the best condition, so it was still his goal to win. 

Everyone played for several hours, and it felt a bit like in the beginning because everyone was happy, but when Changbin was blinded by the setting sun he decided it was the best time for everyone to go to the roof. Hyunjin together with Felix got permission from the janitor and they were allowed to go up to the roof for the evening. (They probably would have done it without permission, especially since Hyunjin and Changbin were otherwise very pleasant tenants and wouldn't have received a reminder anyway).

Changbin had been on the roof several times before, he had often sat there shortly after moving in and watched the sunrise, but once the janitor had caught him and since then he had not been there, not only because it was embarrassing to him but above all because it was forbidden.

It still looked like in the beginning, two dilapidated couches and a table stood in the middle, on the wall under the canopy stood a small refrigerator. It was nothing special, but Changbin liked this place, probably because he was so close to the sky he loved so much. 

Felix and Jisung both opened their eyes in surprise and went straight to the edge of the roof to see the view, Hyunjin and Minho took care of the snacks they had carried up and changbin just stood there looking back and forth between the orange sky and a running and laughing Felix, undecided what was more beautiful.

While everyone was chatting excitedly about university, Changbin sat a little aside and looked into the sky. He enjoyed how the last sunbeams tickled his skin and closed his eyes. He was so in his mind that he didn't even notice anyone sitting next to him.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" suddenly someone next to him said and Changbin knew instantly who it was. "Yes," he said without opening his eyes. 

"In the night the sky looks even more beautiful," he said. Changbin opened his eyes and looked at Jisung with his eyebrows raised. "What? It's true, the stars shine brightly in the dark night sky, you can't tell anyone it doesn't look beautiful," he said defending and Changbin decided not to contradict him but just nodded. 

Changbin saw the sun disappear behind the horizon and suspected that Jisung was doing exactly the same, just looking at the sky.

"You know, binnie, I'm so glad I'm back with you," he suddenly said. "Don't call me that," Changbin just said and Jisung smiled at him. "No seriously, I don't think I've ever felt as lonely as when you two were gone," he said and Changbin nodded. 

"I think the three of us have always been made to be friends, I hope you know that no matter what happens, I will always stand behind you, you and Hyunjin will always come first," he said and Changbin tried to bite down a smile, but in the end he let it appear on his lips. It was a small smile, but it was a happy and contented smile, and he would never admit that he smiled like this because of Jisung.

"Don't you dare tell anyone about this, but yes, I missed you too," Changbin said. Jisung smiled. "I knew you had feelings too," he said and giggled before putting his head on Changbin's shoulder. 

For a moment, the two just sat there. "That's weird," said Jisung and Changbin nodded. "We should never do that again," he said and Jisung took his head up. Both laughed slightly and remained seated for a few minutes until the sun had finally disappeared behind the houses of the city.

Jisung and Changbin went back to the others, meanwhile there were all sorts of snacks on the table. Jisung dropped next to Minho while changbin sat between Hyunjin and Felix, where there was a big gap. 

"Minho and I just got blankets, and Hyunjin agreed to let us use his jackets," Felix said happily and Hyunjin sat up. "First, be careful with my jackets, some were expensive and besides they look best on me so don't mess it up for me. Second, Changbin can use his own jacket, he lives here after all," he said and everyone laughed.

"Shut up," said Changbin, a big grin on his lips, and Hyunjin laughed as well.

They sat together for some time and talked about everything, about the university, about Changbin and the tattoo studio up to dishes everyone would like to try. Changbin didn't have to talk much, he had never been someone who liked to talk a lot, and Minho seemed to be just like that, but Jisung could talk a lot (like, a lot, he talked the whole time) and Felix and Hyunjin also liked to tell everyone about their life. 

Changbin didn't know how the subject came up, possibly through Felix since he was very interested in the love life of Hyunjin, but suddenly it was the subject. 

"I can't believe you're talking about it again, Felix!“ Hyunjin said upset (but not angry) and Changbin's guess was confirmed. "But, Hyunjin..." Felix said with a small smile on his lips. 

"What do you have to tell us?" Jisung said excitedly and Hyunjin groaned annoyed. He supported his face in the palms of his hands. "Nothing," he said, his voice muffled by his hands. 

"I don't believe him, please Hyunjin, just tell us what happened," begged Felix. "Hyunjin, my dearest friend, we have known each other for so long, you can tell us everything," said Jisung, and made the biggest dog eyes in the world. Changbin thought it was cute, but Felix still made the best dog eyes. 

"I won't tell you what happened!" he said and felix's eyes widened. He looked at Jisung, and now his eyes were also widening. "That means something happened!“ they said at the same time and laughed out loud. Minho looked at them confused. 

"What are you even talking about?“ he asked. He probably didn’t know what was happening.

"I've already told you that Hyunjin doesn't like relationships, right?" Felix started and Minho nodded. "He prefers...short things, you know?" he said and Minho had to smile, but nodded.

Changbin also had to smile, but he tried to hide it behind his hands which were covered in the sleeves of his hoodie.

Felix kept talking and Minho looked like he was waiting for Felix to make a point and say what they were talking about the whole time, so Changbin spoke up.

"He hasn't brought anyone along in ages," Changbin said to shorten Felix's story. Minho looked at him, finally knowing what was going on.

"I guess that means he's in a relationship," he said, but Felix shook his head. "He has assured me that he is single and I believe him“, he said.

Minho frowned. "If you believe him, that means he has a crush on someone," he said and Felix and Jisung looked directly at Hyunjin, who sighed. 

"How cute, our Hyunjin has a crush!" said Jisung. "That's so sweet," said Felix and Minho sighed.

"Do you really have...like a crush or something?" Changbin asked and looked at Hyunjin expectantly, because it was unusual to talk about something like this with Hyunjin, especially when it came to the younger one himself, who had never been in love before. (Changbin was sure that Hyunjin had been in love at least once, but he had never admitted it.)

Hyunjin looked briefly at Changbin, straight into his eyes, then sighed and nodded. "Yes, something like that," he said and Jisung and Felix released a short scream. Minho grabbed Jisung and held his mouth shut and Changbin tried to make them understand with "shh" sounds that they shouldn't scream, but they just laughed.

"Tell us more," Jisung said when Minho had taken his hand away again, a slight smile still on their lips. 

"I was invited to someone's house and needed a present," Hyunjin began, but was interrupted instantly by Jisung. "That's so exciting," he said, but was immediately quiet when everyone looked at him annoyed.

"I decided on a book," Hyunjin continued, and Jisung squeaked. "Wow," he said. 

"Can you shut up for a second?" Hyunjin said and Jisung nodded quickly. 

"I chose to buy a book and went down the street to the library. I chose a book and went to the checkout and there he was," he said. Changbin had to smile at the thought that his best friend had actually fallen in love (or something like that). 

"We need more details," said Felix and there was also a big grin on his lips. 

"His name is seungmin," Hyunjin said, and from Jisung came a scream. Everyone looked at him. "You already know his name?" asked Jisung and Hyunjin nodded. 

"He had a name tag," he said and Jisung quickly closed his mouth. "Have you ever talked to him?“ Minho asked and Hyunjin nodded proudly.

"When I bought the book, at the cash register. We greeted each other and said goodbye," he said and Changbin tried as hard as possible not to distort his face.

"Wait, that's all?“, asked Jisung and Hyunjin nodded. 

"You have to ask him for his number!“ Felix said horrified and Hyunjin tried to hide his reddened face behind his hands. 

"You always have something to say, but don't even dare to ask the sweet salesman from the library for his number?" Jisung asked in horror, and it probably made Hyunjin feel even more embarrassed.

"Just do it, Hyunjin. He can't do more than reject you," said Minho, and it should probably sound encouraging, but it sounded rather humiliating. 

Hyunjin took a quick look at the group, everyone looked at him with expectant eyes and a pleasing smile on their lips, and Hyunjin nodded. 

"Okay, I'll ask him for his number next week," Hyunjin said and everyone cheered. 

Changbin thought it was exaggerated, and probably he was right, because nothing had happened. Hyunjin hadn't got a number yet and nothing special had happened either, and yet he had to smile and cheered with his friends.

It was only a few hours later, sometime in the middle of the night, and Changbin sat alone on one of the sofas. 

It was almost completely dark, everything was only illuminated by the lights of the city, which looked like a sea of lights, and by the moon in the sky. Changbin put his head on the backrest and closed his eyes. He was cold, but he was also too lazy to get up to get a blanket. 

Hyunjin lay across from him and slept, he and Changbin had talked but at some point the younger one fell asleep. Changbin didn't mind, he had learned hard for university, the first time since he had enrolled, and Changbin suspected it was because he didn't go to parties anymore. 

Minho, Jisung and Felix sat further on the edge, the three had gone bit by bit, first Jisung, because he wanted to see the stars above the city, then Felix had gone to him, then Minho had gone as well.

Changbin opened his eyes briefly and looked at them. The three sat next to each other, Jisung in the middle. Felix had his head on Jisung's shoulder and his blond hair was blowing in the wind, he couldn’t see more because it was too dark.

Changbin briefly thought of this head on his own shoulder, but shook his head slightly and closed his eyes again. 

He had always wanted this. He could not define what all were, he did not know how the others thought, but Changbin felt like they were a group of friends. 

"Aren't you cold?" someone suddenly asked and Changbin opened his eyes just to see a trembling Felix in front of him. Changbin smiled slightly. "To be honest, yes," he said.

Felix turned around and ran to the fridge with the blankets on it. He got a blanket and came back just to spread it over Changbin.

Changbin cuddled himself instantly into the blanket, because he had become really cold. Felix slightly lifted the side of the blanket and crawled to Changbin on the sofa. Changbin noticed how Felix also angled his legs, and now both were sitting there with their legs bent.

"That's better, isn't it?" Felix asked and when Changbin looked at him, the younger already looking at him, his eyes big and a contented smile on his lips. Changbin had to smile at the sight and he nodded slightly. "Yes, it is," he said quietly, he didn't know why he spoke so quietly, he just did. 

Changbin looked briefly past Felix to Jisung and Minho, and Jisung's head lay on Minho's shoulder. It was probably just a friendly gesture, Felix had often done it with Hyunjin and even with Changbin, but it felt strange. 

"Why aren't you with the others anymore," Changbin asked and Felix turned around briefly to see where Changbin pointed, even thought he knew exactly who he was talking about. He turned back immediately and Changbin had expected everything except a big smile.

"We talked enough and I wanted to spend some time with you," he said quietly and Changbin noticed the redness rising in his cheeks. 

Felix's cheeks also turned pink, but Changbin thought it was just because it was cold. (Even thought it wasn’t cold anymore because they were under a big blanket)

"If you prefer to be with Minho and Jisung I understand that, you don't have to talk to me," Changbin said, still unsure if Felix wanted to be friendly or if he really cared about him. "But I want to," said Felix and Changbin nodded, and all his worries disappeared.

Felix put his head on his own bent knees and Changbin did the same, both were still looking at each other.

Felix's eyes reflected light, Changbin didn't know whether it was the lights of the city or the stars in the sky, but his eyes shone more than usual. Changbin also didn't know if his freckles looked like the stars in the sky or the lights of the city, but he felt the need to touch them, to touch them with his fingertips or touch them with his lips.

Changbin had often thought it, but Felix looked most beautiful under the sky.

"What are you thinking about?" Felix asked, his voice deep as always and yet gentle. 

Changbin wanted to tell him that he was thinking about him, that Felix had turned his life upside down and allowed him to explore feelings he had never felt before, but Changbin also knew that he couldn't. 

There were so many beautiful words Changbin could have said, but as always when Felix talked to him, looked at him with those eyes, he couldn't think clearly and said the first thing that came to his mind.

"Are you and Minho good again?" he asked, and he knew that maybe it could still be a sensitive topic for Felix, but he couldn't stop himself.

"We're on good terms," said Felix and Changbin nodded. "You were right, jealousy is never unfounded and my feelings never unjustified," he added.

Chagbin didn't know what to say, he didn't want to say anything wrong but didn't want to remain silent either, but Felix just kept talking and made it easier for him.

"Thanks to you I talked to him, we talked the day after I was with you and talked to you about our fight," he said, but he didn't seem sad.

Changbin frowned. Felix was still sad for many days, although he had already spoken to Minho. Changbin hadn't thought that a quarrel could hit the younger one so hard. 

"We spoke, frankly and honestly," said Felix and on his lips lay a proud smile.

Changbin could understand why the younger one was so proud. He himself was proud when he was honest, whether with others or with himself.

"That's good," he said, because he was glad the two were as before, at least almost as before. 

"We talked and decided that it would be better if we broke up," Felix said and it came so unexpectedly and suddenly that Changbin almost choked on air. He tried his best not to make any real coughing noises, but he had the feeling of suffocating.

Felix giggled, probably because of Changbin's expression. 

"Why...why did you two-" Changbin brought out. He didn't know how to express it. Felix giggled slightly again.

Changbin noticed how a warm body came closer to his own, Felix had moved closer to him until their legs touched. 

Felix put his head back on his legs and Changbin did the same, their heads now so close together that Changbin could feel Felix calm, warm breath on his skin. 

"The relationship with Minho was...different. It was not a typical falling in love with tingling in the stomach and coffee dates and confessions type of relationship. We met a little less than two years ago and became friends. After half a year I noticed that I developed feelings for him and I was very naive at this time. I told him, but he didn't like me in that way," he said and Changbin listened attentively. 

"And why are...were you together then?" he asked, because the younger one seemed to have no problem telling Changbin everything.

"You must know that Minho is really a good person. I had a hard time back then and he didn't want to hurt me. He didn't want to lie to me and tell me he had feelings for me, but he wanted me to be happy. He himself was lonely at the time, very lonely actually. We came together with the thought that Minho liked me, but not in that way. Somehow it worked anyway, I fell in love more and more, he never had feelings for me," he said.

Changbin couldn't believe what he heard, he never doubted for a second that there was such a story behind the seemingly perfect relationship between the two, and especially not that Minho never had feelings for the younger one. 

"That means you loved him but he didn't love you?“ Changbin asked carefully, because he didn't want to misunderstand anything. It still felt weird to talk about it.

"He loved me, he still loves me, but he doesn't love me in that way," said Felix and Changbin nodded. 

"The break up must have been hard for you," he said and he hit himself internally for his stupid and unnecessary statement. 

Of course it was hard for him, he broke up with his boyfriend who never had feelings for him. Changbin didn’t want to imagine how hurt he must have been.

"We separated because he really has feelings for someone," he said, and then Felix turned around, and when Changbin saw what Felix meant, his mouth opened by itself. 

Minho and Jisung were still sitting next to each other, Jisung's head on the brown-haired man's shoulder. Changbin looked at them in disbelief and could hardly understand what was happening. 

"Are the two a couple?", Changbin asked and Felix giggled. "No, that doesn’t happen that fast. Remember I said I had a fight with Minho because I was jealous?“ he asked and Changbin suddenly realized he was jealous of Jisung, one of his best friends, the whole time. 

He felt sorry for felix, because he and Jisung got along so well together and something like that can destroy a friendship.

"Aren't you angry that he...well," he tried to ask but Felix understood him and shook his head.

"Jisung has become a very important person in my life, he is one of my best friends," he said and Changbin nodded. 

Felix really had a big heart.

"I cried a lot at the beginning, suffered a lot, but one evening after I had shed many tears I realized that I was no longer in love with Minho," he said and laid his head on Changbin's shoulder.

Changbin sat there for a moment, frozen, trying to realize everything, until he finally put his own head on the younger one's head. 

"Look at the sky, look at all the stars," said Felix quietly and Changbin looked up at the sky. 

Changbin had never liked the night sky, he found it unspectacular and boring, but with Felix‘s head on his shoulder and his soft voice in his ear, with his blond strands of hair slightly tickling his cheek and his warm body next to him, Changbin saw what everyone else was talking about.


	5. Chapter 5

Changbin looked at Felix a lot, because he liked it and couldn’t stop, but since their conversation on the roof two weeks ago Changbin couldn't look at Felix without thinking that he didn't have a boyfriend anymore. 

Felix’s words were buzzing around in his head, and he knew that they didn't change anything and yet he couldn't think of anything else. 

Perhaps, quite perhaps, Changbin felt a spark of hope still slumbering deep inside him. Maybe he had the feeling that the desire to tell Felix the truth increased with every breath he took. Maybe for the first time in a long time he wanted to talk about his feelings, which he couldn't define himself, but he knew that everything was not so simple.

Changbin was sitting on Hyunjin's bed, behind him lay Felix, who had put his arm around Changbin's waist, and both watched Hyunjin pull various clothes out of his closet. The brown-haired one hastily threw all sorts of things into the room.

"I have nothing to wear," he said stressed out. He turned around, a face mask on his face and his hair, which had become a little longer lately, stuck back with a pink hairband.

"Hyunjin, you obviously have enough to wear, and he won't care about your clothes anyway," Felix said behind Changbin, his deep voice was close to Changbin's ear and gave him goose bumps. 

"What if he sees me and thinks I’m nice but rejects me because I'm wearing the wrong clothes?" Hyunjin asked hectically and began to press his mask more on his skin.

Changbin thought it looked strange, it was like a wet cloth with holes for the eyes and the mouth, and probably it was a normal face mask, but Changbin had never tried one and therefore had no idea about such things. 

"He won't reject you, Hyunjin," said Felix and Changbin noticed the younger one moving behind him. He pulled his arm away and now sat as well, and the spot on Changbin's belly that had just been warmed by his arm was suddenly cold.

"I put these trousers on," he said, pointing to a dark pair of jeans. "You will die, it’s summer and hot”, Felix said, but Hyunjin certainly shook his head. "I look better in long trousers, I just need the matching top," he said and Felix stood up.

He pushed Hyunjin a little to the side and began to rummage around in his closet until he pulled a plain white shirt with a black print out of the closet. "We'll make it simple," he said.

He went to Hyunjin's dresser and took out some rings and a chain. "Put the clothes on, it's stylish but not too exaggerated, he'll love it," Felix said and Hyunjin nodded. 

"Come let's go," he said to Changbin, and the two left the room. 

Felix walked to the kitchen immediately and Changbin followed him. 

"I find it so cute that Hyunjin has a crush," dreamt Felix and took out a bottle of cold water from the fridge. Changbin grumbled as an answer and took glasses out of the cupboard.

"I never thought he'd fall in love," Felix continued and poured water into the glasses. "Neither did I," Changbin replied quietly. 

The two sat down in the living room and talked a little until the door of Hyunjin's room opened and a dressed Hyunjin stepped out. He wore exactly what Felix had given him, and even though the outfit was simple, he looked good.

Felix smiled and pointed his thumbs up, and Changbin also gave him an encouraging smile.

Felix and Changbin had to literally push Hyunjin into the bookstore because he wanted to back down in the last minute.

As soon as the three had entered the bookstore, Hyunjin pointed (not) inconspicuously at the cashier, and Felix and Changbin stared (not) inconspicuously at him. 

It was a brown-haired boy in Hyunjin’s and Felix's age, he was wearing his work clothes and glasses. He smiled friendly at the customer in front of him and Hyunjin squeaked strangely. 

They decided that they had stared enough and distributed themselves around the shop. 

While Hyunjin walked through the store waiting for the last customers to leave, Changbin and Felix walked through the rows looking inconspicuously for books. 

"Oh, that sounds interesting," Changbin said, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, but Felix couldn't help giggling. "That too," he said, holding up a book. Changbin didn't know why, but he had to laugh too, and he knew it wasn't very inconspicuous, but he couldn't stop himself. 

Changbin looked out of the corner of his eye as Hyunjin walked towards the cash register and stood behind the woman who was last in the queue an currently talking to the boy. Changbin tried to show Felix that Hyunjin was about to talk to him and Felix seemed to understand him. 

Hyunjin turned around and looked to Felix and Changbin for help, but Felix only showed him his thumbs up and then the woman left.

"Look at this book," Changbin said quickly, so that Felix would turn back, what he did. 

Changbin and Felix acted as if they were looking at the books, but in reality they stared at Hyunjin and the salesman.

Changbin remembered that Hyunjin had said his name was Seungmin, and even though Changbin wasn't sure anymore, he decided to call him that. 

Hyunjin scratched his head in embarrassment and said something what seungmin nodded at with a smile.

"I wish I could understand what they are saying," Changbin said quietly. Felix came closer so he could whisper as well. "Me too," he said and the two looked to Hyunjin and Seungmin.

Hyunjin said something Seungmin laughed at and Felix nodded. "It seems to be working," he said and turned to Changbin. 

"We should go a little further, we've been standing in front of this shelf too long," he said and the two went a little further. "I always wanted to read that," Felix said and picked up a book. "That looks interesting," Changbin answered extra loud without even having read the title. 

"I want to read this", Felix said and held up another book. "Oh yes, that sounds good. I'm very interested in this subject," Changbin said, reaching for a book he held up without looking. 

Felix looked at the book, blinked a few times, and suddenly Felix began to laugh out loud, and Hyunjin and Seungmin turned in their direction. 

Changbin frowned and looked at the boy holding his belly with laughter. He slowly turned the book over and read the title.

"12 ways to get better in bed," he read the title quietly. 

Oh.

Changbin needed exactly three seconds until he realized what had just happened and also broke out in laughter. 

His eyes filled with tears and he had to lean on his knees, Felix high-pitched laugh made everything even more funny.

Changbin couldn't pay any more attention to what Seungmin and Hyunjin were doing, he was too focused on Felix and himself, both laughing loudly.

It took a few minutes for Felix and Changbin to stop laughing, and the next time they could look around Hyunjin had disappeared.

The two looked at each other briefly. "I- we have to go," Felix said determinedly and reached for Changbin's hand to pull him out of the store.

Changbin knew it was the wrong moment, but he couldn't help but enjoy the feeling of Felix's warm hand in his, and he was so focused on their hands that he almost missed the step and overheard Felix’s "Have a nice day".

Hyunjin walked only a few meters ahead of them and Felix and Changbin ran to catch him. 

“And?” Felix asked, and Changbin was afraid that Hyunjin would turn around angrily as the two might have destroyed his only chance to get a boyfriend.

Hyunjin slowly turned around and Changbin's worries vanished as he saw Hyunjin's broad smile. 

"No?!” said Felix and Hyunjin nodded. "Yes," cheered Changbin.

Felix happily fell in Hyunjin's arms. "I told you he would give you his number, it was because of the outfit!" said Felix and Hyunjin nodded. "Let's go get some food to celebrate," Changbin said and laid his arm around Hyunjin's shoulder. Felix did the same, and the three went with Hyunjin in the middle in an indefinite direction, while they talked happily about Seungmin.

It was a sunny morning, the sun was just rising but the temperatures were already high, and Changbin was sitting in the living room looking up at the sky. He woke up early and couldn't sleep anymore so he sat down on the couch and watched how the sky changed it’s color.

Changbin still had four hours until he had to go to work and he didn't know what to do, all the preparations were already done and it was too early to do anything really productive. 

Changbin just sank into his thoughts when he heard that a door opened and closed again shortly after. Changbin didn't want to turn around to see who it was, he listened to the hasty yet light footsteps until they stopped right in front of him.

The body in front of him blocked the sun and cast a cold shadow on Changbin.

Changbin slowly looked up at his opposite, a long shirt went down to his knees and was wide on his body. A little of his collarbone as well as his complete neck were visible, and Changbin briefly thought it was a year before when he had first seen Felix, in the same top and in the same light, only now his skin was not marked by dark spots.

Felix looked at him with a light smile, his full lips a little dry, probably from the heat. His eyes looked tired, his hair lay messy on his head.

Felix just stood there and Changbin stared at him, undecided if he should say anything. Felix made no sign of saying anything, so Changbin smiled back slightly and pointed on the free space next to him.

Felix briefly looked back and forth between the place on the couch next to Changbin and his face until he finally dropped. 

Felix sat down close to Changbin, put his head instantly on Changbin's shoulder. He did this more often lately, but Changbin didn't want to complain. His heart was beating like crazy every time and still he liked the little touch. 

Felix hummed contentedly and Changbin smiled. "Good morning", he said quietly and Felix muttered something as well. Probably he had wished him a good morning as well, but Changbin was not sure.

Felix closed his eyes and remained in his position, and Changbin looked further into the sky. 

After only a few minutes Changbin felt a regular breathing on his neck and saw that Felix had actually fallen asleep. At the sight he had to smile, and when he also supported his head and closed his eyes only briefly, he fell asleep as well.

Minho and Jisung were the most obvious thing ever, even thought Jisung never talked about the whole thing because of Felix, and Changbin wondered afterwards how he had never noticed it. 

One afternoon they came to Hyunjin's apartment together, and Changbin had almost fainted when he had opened the door together with Felix. 

Felix looked at them, his mouth wide open, but he somehow still smiled, his eyes were shining. 

Jisung had dark blue hair, Minho was blond. Felix pulled them both by the arms into the apartment and reached into their hair before they could say anything.

"Jisung, this looks so good!" he said happily and Jisung smiled broadly. "I still have to get used to it but somehow I like it," he said shyly (yes, Jisung was shy) and Felix giggled.

"It looks so good on you," he assured and turned to Minho. Felix stood slightly on his tiptoes since Minho was taller and drove with his hand through Minho's recently blond hair. 

"I didn't think bright colors would fit you," he said thoughtfully, but then had to smile. "I like it," he added, and Minho smiled as his cheeks turned pink.

Changbin was happy that Minho and Felix got along so well, the two had become like best friends after a long relationship. Changbin had briefly been afraid of losing what he had, he was afraid to lose his safe place where everyone understood and accepted him. 

"Now I want to dye my hair too," Felix said and sulked. "We dyed our hair two days ago, you should finally do it", Jisung said dreamily and smiled broadly, his chubby cheeks even more puffed up than usual.

"I still like your light hair," Minho said and shrugged his shoulders, whereupon he received an evil look from Jisung and then a hit on his upper arm.

"Ouch," he said dramatically but laughed and Jisung had to smile. 

Felix looked at them with a big smile on his lips, eyes sparkling at the sight of Minho and Jisung who just smiled at each other, and Changbin couldn’t be any happier about seeing his friends smile like that.

Changbin and Felix were sitting in the living room, it was the middle of the night and the room was only lit by the big TV, and the two knew they were talking a little too loud, laughing a little too loud, but they didn't care.

Hyunjin was just one room away trying to sleep, and Felix and Changbin were supposed to do the same, but instead they sat in the living room with chips and popcorn watching a movie.

The two paid less attention to the film and were more focused on throwing single popcorn into each other's mouths, and that neither hit made it even more fun.

"You can't throw!" said Felix upset but laughing. Changbin crossed his arms in front of his chest, on his lips also a broad grin. "You can't catch," he said, and Felix leaned slightly forward to beat Changbin's upper arm. 

"Don't blame others," Felix said and sat down opposite Changbin again. The two had shared a blanket at the beginning which now lay on the floor, too warm had it been on their skin. 

It was the middle of summer and at night it was still warm. Changbin wondered whether there were really people who were still using blankets at these temperatures. 

"I can catch", said Felix and threw a popcorn into the air which he caught a short time later with his own mouth. Changbin shook his head. "This is something completely different," he said protesting and reached into the bag. 

He also threw it in the air and caught it with his mouth. "Show-off", said Felix and Changbin giggled. Felix smiled as well.

The two turned back to the TV and watched the film for a few seconds until Felix turned around. "Do you know what it's about?" he asked and Changbin also looked at him before he smiled and shook his head. "I missed as much as you did." 

Felix probably decided not to watch the film any further, because he reached for the remote control and switched the film to mute.

He sat cross-legged oppositely of Changbin and Changbin also turned to him. Felix put his head crooked and blinked in Changbin direction a few times until he spoke again. 

"May I ask you something?", Felix asked quietly and Changbin nodded.

He didn't even have to think about it, he felt ready to answer Felix every question in the world, because he trusted felix and the younger trusted him. 

"Have you ever been...in love?“ Felix asked slowly and Changbin looked at his fingers.

He hadn't expected such a question and didn't know what to answer, and since he didn't want to say anything wrong, he thought about the right answer. He didn’t want to lie, but he wanted to make it seem less weird. 

"You don't have to answer me if you don't want to," Felix quickly added, but Changbin shook his head slightly. "No, it's okay," he said.

"You mustn't laugh, but I can’t tell you. Really not, I don't know myself," Changbin said quietly, very quietly, and it seemed much quieter to him now that the television was switched to mute and the voices of the movie were no longer heard.

"I would never laugh at you," Felix said in a soft voice. Changbin smiled, and he suspected that the younger one smiled too, but he was too shy to look up. 

"I know it sounds stupid, but I somehow never focused on it, so I can't say what it feels like to love someone," Changbin said, expressing his deepest thoughts, but he trusted Felix and knew that the younger one would never judge him.

"That's okay, it doesn't sound stupid," Felix said and put his hand on Changbin's shoulder. Changbin looked up and saw in Felix's face, his lips deformed to an encouraging smile and his cheeks puffed up, his eyes tired but shiny as always. 

Changbin also had to smile. "And you?" he asked quietly. "Have you ever loved?" he asked and Felix nodded. "I loved Minho, I think I can love a person even more than I loved him, but I think I loved him," Felix said and Changbin nodded.

"Do you still love him?" Changbin asked, and he knew that Felix had already said something about it several times, but he asked again, because he was curious.

"I think you can't stop loving a person all at once, and I will always love him as a friend, but I realized after the break up that I had lost my feelings for him as well. I think I still have that feeling somewhere in me, but I don't really love him anymore," Felix said, and Changbin was always amazed at how well the younger one could put his thoughts into words, unlike himself.

"I think it was so easy for me because Minho had never loved me," he said and changbin wondered how Felix could just put up with it. Minho had never treated Felix badly, Felix had assured Changbin of that and he believed it, but Changbin was sure that he could tell when he weren't loved back.

"I think the relationship was possible because I didn't really know what it felt like to be loved, I just imagined it felt exactly like that," Felix said as if he had heard Changbin's thoughts. 

Changbin nodded, still taken away by Felix's story. Felix smiled at him, like he always did, even if they talked about sensitive things.

He wanted to tell Felix that he was loved, that Changbin himself didn't know what that feeling felt like, but that he was sure it was there, but he didn't know how, so he grabbed the popcorn bag and grabbed a popcorn which he threw into the air. Felix turned his gaze away from Changbin's eyes and moved his head towards the popcorn, and for the first time that evening he caught it. 

Hyunjin liked Seungmin, he had a crush on him and didn't hide it, and since he asked him for his number he never stopped talking about the younger one. 

Changbin didn't know Seungmin, he had seen him a few times in the book store but didn't know anything about him (except from Hyunjin's stories, but Felix and Changbin didn't really listen but secretly wrote messages or made faces while he was talking). Nevertheless, Changbin could say that Seungmin might have imagined a first date in a café, then a walk or a picnic in the park, because he was that type of Person, but Hyunjin wouldn't believe him.

Hyunjin found that he hadn't been partying for far too long and didn't let anyone stop him from inviting Seungmin to a club.

After Changbin and Felix had talked to him and told him it was a bad idea, Minho and Jisung came by, both just as unenthusiastic about the idea, but Hyunjin was determined.

It was amazing that seungmin actually agreed, and Changbin had the dull feeling that seungmin also liked Hyunjin, at least a little bit.

So Hyunjin, Felix, Jisung, Minho and Changbin were currently in the apartment, all a little excited and stressed, but Hyunjin was in pure panic. 

Everyone had decided to go along, because everyone knew that they couldn't let Hyunjin go to a party alone with Seungmin. Surprisingly, Jisung didn't feel like going either, and he was already dressed and finished, so he sat next to Minho on the couch and they watched a video on Minho's cell phone. 

Changbin and Felix had tried to dress themselves, but Hyunjin absolutely needed their help and so it came to the fact that they all only arrived at the right time.

Seungmin stood in front of the club, this time he didn't wear glasses or his work clothes and he looked cute. Hyunjin was visibly nervous, but Jisung and Felix encouraged him.

"Hey," Hyunjin said quietly and Seungmin smiled. "Hey," he replied and smiled even more before he looked from Hyunjin to the others. Changbin tried to look normal, but such situations had always made him nervous.

"I am Jisung," Jisung suddenly said out loud and stretched out his hand, which Seungmin looked at briefly confused before he took it into his and shook it. „I‘m Seungmin“

"I‘m Minho," said Minho, a little quieter than Jisung but still self-confident. "That's Felix and Changbin," Hyunjin said, pointing at them, but Felix only waved a little strangely and Changbin tried to smile.

Seungmin looked at them briefly. "I know you from somewhere," he said and Changbin swallowed. "You two were also there when Hyunjin talked to me, you made fun of this one book," he said and Changbin laughed nervously. "Well, because of that-", he started but was interrupted by Felix.

"We should go in," he said and in the next moment Felix took Changbins hand and pulled him towards entrance, and the others looked at each other briefly before following them.

Changbin had the feeling that he was going through a constant change of personality or shit like that, and suddenly he felt like a teenager again, a bit too naive, too psyched and maybe a little too happy.

While a few months ago he was still sitting at in the corner on the dirty seats watching people dance, he was now standing in the middle of the dance floor, without drinking anything.

In the beginning he had sat down with the others, and Jisung and Minho had disappeared instantly into the crowd and, to Changbins surprise, Hyunjin and Seungmin had also got up after a short conversation.

Changbin wanted to sit and watch, but suddenly he felt like he couldn't just sit there and watch all his friends having fun with their soon-to-be-boyfriends while he was moping. 

Felix had been initially confused by Changbin's sudden energy and motivation, but Changbin had pulled him up by the hand and taken him with him.

He remembered the two dancing together some time ago, it was the day he had met Minho, and he remembers that he danced cramped next to Felix, but today it was different.

Changbin didn't recognize himself, but suddenly the bad music didn't seem so bad anymore, the air wasn't so stuffy anymore and the whole club wasn't so crowded anymore, and Changbin danced.

Felix looked at him a little irritated at the beginning, before he grinned broadly and also danced.

It felt a little like a few months ago, it was the same club, the same music, the same crowd and the same light that colored Felix’s skin purple, but this time Changbin didn't feel out of place, he didn't feel like an idiot. He danced with Felix, both sober but drunk, drunk with enthusiasm. 

Changbin looked at Felix, this time he moved with the younger one, and he smiled contentedly, just like months ago, but something was different. 

Something felt different, Changbin's arms were no longer moved awkwardly in the air and Felix's arms were no longer moved to match the music, Felix was suddenly not a few feet away and Changbin's face had a different expression.

Suddenly everything seemed to be planned, Felix‘s and changbin's bodies moved to the music as if they had danced to this song thousands of times before and Changbin didn't have to imagine to hear Felix laughing anymore, he actually heard it, right at his ear, loud and happy.

After some time Changbin leaned a little bit forward, in his veins still an indescribable feeling of happiness which he had probably never felt before and which he could not identify. 

"I hate this club", he said into Felix‘s ear, his lips almost touched the skin of the younger one, but he tried to avoid this, even if he really wanted to touch his skin, only once.

Felix also leaned to the side. "Then let's go," he said and reached again for Changbin's hand, which seemed to fit perfectly into his, pulling him behind him as so often.

Everyone who saw Changbin and Felix had to think that they were drunk, but Changbin never drank alcohol and Felix hadn't drunk that evening either. 

Felix walked on the sidewalk edge, Changbin didn't walk much further from him on the sidewalk. It was raining, not really strong but Changbin saw clear drops on Felix's grey shirt and his face also got wet, but they didn’t care.

It was summer and the air was still warm, they could walk around in shirts without it being too cold, so the rain was rather a pleasant cooling on their skin. 

"Do you remember the first time we were there together?" Felix asked and kept balancing on the edge. There were hardly any cars, a car passed by every few minutes, and there were no other people running around. 

"I do“, Changbin replied. Felix stretched his arms to the side to keep the balance better and Changbin wanted to grab his hand, but decided not to. 

"I was so happy when you danced with me," said Felix and Changbin would be blushing in every other moment, but something seemed different that night.

"Me too," he said. "I noticed it back then, but why can you dance like that?," he asked and Felix giggled. "I danced when I was younger but stopped, I still like dancing but have little time and alone it's less fun," he answered and Changbin nodded while he started kicking a stone in front of him. 

"You were the first and only one who wanted to dance with me," Felix said happily and Changbin smiled as well. 

He had often noticed that he smiled more often in Felix's presence, laughed more often. 

"I would dance with you again and again," Changbin replied and Felix suddenly stopped.

Changbin also stopped, both close but still too far apart. Felix looked at Changbin and Changbin was just thinking about saying something when Felix spoke again. 

"Then dance with me," he said and Changbin frowned. "Here?" he asked and Felix nodded. "Yes, here," he replied. "Without music?" Changbin asked confusedly and Felix nodded. "We imagine the music," he said happily and reached for Changbin's hand. 

And then the two of them danced, in the middle of a street that seemed to be deserted that night, under a sky that carried thousands of stars, in cold rain that cooled their skin and between a loud laugh ever now and then. 

The rain became stronger and meanwhile thick drops dripped of Felix‘s hair and into his face, and Felix still laughed loudly as he stopped dancing and reached for Changbin's hand.

Changbin hardly had time to react and was dragged along by Felix until they stood between two houses and where there was a kind of canopy.

Felix stood leaning against the wall, still laughing and his chest still raised heavily from laughing and dancing and running. Changbin also breathed heavily, his wet hair hanging in his face and his shirt stuck to his upper body, and he laughed loudly as well.

Felix looked at Changbin and Changbin looked back, right into his eyes which were framed by glued eyelashes and yet glittered. 

Changbin was still laughing, he didn't know why but he was so happy in this moment as he hadn't been for a long time, and Felix smiled broadly so that Changbin could see his white teeth and so that his eyes were formed to crescents. 

Felix just stood there smiling while Changbin laughed, and suddenly he came closer. 

Changbin also just stood there, his laugh was now a bit more quiet but he didn't stop, Felix's lips still had the same wide grin as a few seconds ago, and then Felix laid his hands on Changbin's cheeks, which were puffed up from laughing, leaned forward and overcame the last centimetres.

It felt as if Changbins had known it would happen, he didn't need a second to reply, his hand lay instantly on Felix's waist, and he was still laughing while he kissed him and Felix was smiling into the kiss as well, and it suddenly felt as if the two had joined their indescribable happiness, as if they were now feeling the happiness the other was carrying within them.


	6. Chapter 6

The thing about lukewarm summer nights was that everything suddenly seemed different, all of a sudden everything was ethereal, even the smallest thing. 

The thing with Felix was that with him everything suddenly seemed to be different, everything was all at once ethereal, every thing, no matter how insignificant. 

Changbin thought for a long time that there was nothing better, but soon found out that a mixture of both surpassed everything.

It was a much too hot morning when Changbin and Felix decided to go to the lake, not to any lake but to the lake Changbin showed him a few weeks ago. Felix had promised Changbin not to tell anyone about it, and he kept this promise, but as soon as the two were alone Felix didn't stop talking about this place anymore.

Changbin liked it when Felix talked about it, he liked the thought that he was the one who had shown him the place the younger one liked so much.

Felix had begged that Changbin would drive with him, but Changbin often didn't have time for it because of the work and when he had time Felix had to go to university.

Changbin had always been a good worker, had always fulfilled his duties, and Felix had always been a good student, had never missed a cours, but something about skipping university seemed like an adventure. 

Changbin at least felt that way, he hadn't canceled Chan for the first time in several years and Felix excitedly told him it was his first time skipping, and Changbin felt a bit like a criminal, but it was a good feeling.

It really wasn't anything special, but something about the whole thing was exciting, and since Changbin didn't feel that way alone it was okay.

The two of them ran through the overcrowded station, hand in hand. Changbin sweated and so did Felix, but Changbin didn't mind. Instead, he pressed the hand of the younger one a little harder as he continued to pull Changbin through the crowd. Changbin stumbled after him, bumped into several people, but he wouldn't let go of Felix's hand, and Felix wouldn’t let go of his.

They ran on and on, their grip got tighter and tighter and they entered the overcrowded train at the last second. The two were standing at the door, people were standing around talking, it was loud and the train was wobbling. Felix stood directly in front of Changbin, their upper bodies touched and Changbin felt Felix breathing heavily on his skin.

Felix smiled at Changbin, a smile also formed on his lips and a warm feeling spread in his chest. 

Felix leaned forward to put his lips on Changbins for a fraction of a second before putting his head on Changbins shoulder.

"I love this place," Felix said as he stood in front of the big lake where the trees that stood around were reflected. 

Changbin sat on the floor and unpacked the bag containing a blanket, drinks and food. As Felix continued to look around, he spread out the blanket.

"It's much too warm," Changbin said and dropped onto the blanket so that he lay on his back. Felix turned to him. "I like the summer but it could get a little cooler," he said and approached Changbin. 

He lay down next to Changbin on his stomach and supported his head on one hand while he let the other one slide into Changbin's dark hair. 

Changbin leaned on his elbow, considering that Felix did not remove his hand from his hair.

He slightly pinched his eyes together as he was blinded by the sun and looked at Felix who also looked at him dreamily, his eyes only half open and his lips shaped into a contented smile. 

"Thank you," Felix said quietly, his voice deep but gentle. "Thank you for coming here with me.“

"No problem," Changbin said, his voice also soft and gentle. "Thank you for bringing me here at all, I am so glad that you entrusted this to me," said Felix. Changbin had not shown this place to anyone and Felix knew this. When Changbin had told him it was his secret place, he had hugged him and thanked him a thousand times.

"Of course," Changbin said. "Of course I'll show you, why shouldn't I?"

Felix smiled a little more and leaned forward just to put his lips on Changbins. 

It felt like Changbin had always done it, he felt used to it, and changbin would have liked to do it sooner. It was always Felix who kissed him, but he did it often, sometimes short and sometimes longer. 

Felix leaned back but stayed close to Changbin's face. Changbin looked directly into his eyes, in them a gleam that Changbin loved to see. Felix leaned forward again, this time pressing his lips a little harder on Changbins.

After a few kisses, Felix took his hand out of Changbin's hair and put it on his cheek. Changbin closed his eyes and enjoyed the touch, tender and careful. 

Felix touched changbin's lips slightly with his thumb, played a little with his lower lip and giggled. 

"I like your lips," he said quietly and Changbins grumbled in response. "You seem dark and intimidating, but there's almost always a smile on your lips," he said. 

Changbin tried to nod slightly. "They're also soft," Felix added, giggling slightly before he leaned forward again and gave a short kiss to Changbin's lips.

With Felix, time suddenly passed at lightning speed while it felt like it was stopping at the same time.

The sun went down behind Felix and changbin saw an unforgettable picture in front of him. Felix sat on the picnic blanket and was busy opening a pack of these awkward sweets made only of sugar, behind him was the sun as it disappeared behind the horizon and colored the sky. 

Felix stuck a handful of sweets in his mouth until his cheeks were puffed up and noticed Changbin's stares. "Is there something?" he asked with a full mouth and Changbin smiled. 

"No," he said. Felix bit a little on his sweets until he swallowed them. "Ew," he said and laughed. 

Felix lay down to Changbin, half his upper body lay on Changbin's upper body but the younger one wasn’t heavy. Changbin's hand disappeared by itself in Felix's hair and Felix’s hand lay on Changbin‘s chest, their eyes interlocked.

It was a day full of cuddling and hugging, full of talking and laughing, full of stealing kisses and holding hands, a day full of things friends don't actually do, but that was what Changbin and Felix were. Friends.

Changbin had expected Hyunjin to bring Sengmin to the apartment more often, as the two were not together but they were closer, but Seungmin's apartment was apparently even more beautiful than Hyunjin's and Changbin's. 

(Although it was really beautiful, Hyunjin's parents didn't pay a very high rent for nothing).

Hyunjin was away for most of the week, either in college or at Seungmin's. Changbin was happy that Hyunjin had finally found someone he liked, and he was just waiting for one of them to confess. 

Jisung and Minho only came by on the weekend, both had a lot to do, especially as Jisung had taken a job in a coffee shop. 

Changbin didn't know what they were, but they had gotten closer and closer and Changbin wouldn't be surprised if they dated.

Felix had half moved into Changbin's and Hyunjin's apartment, he didn't sleep in bed with Hyunjin but on the sofa, but he hardly went home but spent the whole day with Changbin.

Since Hyunjin was away almost every afternoon, Changbin and Felix had a lot of time together, but that didn't bother them, because the others knew nothing about whatever they had. 

When the others were there, they behaved as usual, sitting at a distance on the couch and only looked at each other when they were talking, but when there were only the two of them they cuddled all day and kissed each other (To be exact, Felix kissed Changbin, because Changbin was a coward).

The only one who knew was Chan.

He had found out one day when Felix came to the tattoo studio to bring Changbin something to eat, and Felix had happily hugged and kissed him, and Changbin had briefly forgotten that Chan was watching them. 

Chan had asked Changbin about Felix when the younger one had left, but Changbin had only sighed and continued working. Since that day it was normal for Felix to come over after university to bring food or sometimes without a reason, and Changbin didn't have a problem with Chan's knowledge anymore.

Changbin knew that Chan didn't have anything against it but was rather happy, because Changbin suddenly looked happy.

Changbin was just about to make himself breakfast, because Felix was not there when Hyunjin came into the kitchen. He walked past Changbin and sat down on the worktop. 

Changbin tried to ignore him, but Hyunjin stared at him and Changbin hated being watched. 

He was just waiting for his coffee and had nothing more to do so he just stood there looking at the coffee machine. Hyunjin kept looking at him, and Changbin felt strange, so he turned his head to look at Hyunjin directly.

"What?" he asked a little more cheekily than he actually wanted and Hyunjin pulled up his eyebrows. 

"What are you in such a bad mood for?" he asked and Changbin sighed. "I am not in a bad mood. What do you want?" he asked, this time calmer.

"We haven't talked for far too long," Hyunjin said resolutely and Changbin looked at him asking questionable.

"What haven't we done for a long time?" he asked incredulously, although he had clearly understood what Hyunjin had said. 

"Talked", Hyunjin replied. "Talked openly and honestly"

Changbin disgustedly pulled his face and sat down at the table with his freshly made coffee and his food. "What did Seungmin do to you? We never talked openly and honestly," Changbin said, quoting Hyunjin at times with his fingers. 

He breathed out annoyed. "Seungmin has nothing to do with it", he said and Changbin shrugged his shoulders. "Then what do you want?" he asked and bit into his bread.

"Tell me a little about you, I hardly see you anymore," he said and Changbin pulled his face. "You sound like my mother when she calls me once a year for my birthday," he said and Hyunjin grinned.

"I'm serious, what have you been doing with your free time lately?“ he asked and Changbin pulled his shoulders up. "I don't know, watching series, reading, playing video games. As always," he said and bit his bread again.

"You've been spending a lot of time with Felix lately, haven't you?" he asked and Changbin almost choked on his bread. "Well, we're friends," he tried to say as normally as possible, but he noticed his cheeks getting warmer and he probably looked like a tomato. 

"I know, but you guys really spend a lot of time together," Hyunjin said and Changbin pulled his eyebrows together. "Yes we are friends,“ he said, this time normally. 

"Well, you send more time together than Seungmin and I," he said expectantly.

"We are friends and-" Changbin started when Hyunjin suddenly had his arms in the air. "You are friends? Who do you want to tell that to? You’re clearly more" he said loudly and Changbin looked at him in horror.

"What makes you think so?" he stammered nervously and Hyunjin sighed. "Have you ever seen how you look at each other and behave? Everyone blind notices that you don't see him as a friend," Hyunjin said and Changbin swallowed.

"Well", he started, but he didn't really know what to say, because he had told the truth. 

The two were friends, no more and no less.

Nevertheless he knew that Hyunjin was not completely wrong. 

"Changbin, I am your best friend. You can trust me with anything, please tell me what is between you two?“ he said and Changbin sighed. He supported his elbows on the table and put his face in his palms.

"We really are friends, Felix doesn't like me that way," he said without looking up, because he didn't want to look at Hyunjin right now.

He heard Hyunjin jump from the worktop to the floor and sit down on the chair next to him.

"You know... Felix is very loving and open, and it's best to talk to him," he said and Changbin looked at Hyunjin through his fingers.

"What should we talk about?" he asked quietly. Hyunjin put his arm around Changbin's shoulders and Changbin tried to lean away from him although he would much rather cuddle in his arms.

"Maybe about you," Hyunjin said and Changbin sighed. "Listen, I really have no idea what's going on with you or what happened or whatever, but you should really talk to him. Felix will understand you, he is the dearest person on earth. Just talk to him," Hyunjin added and Changbin took his hands off his face. 

"I think about it," Changbin said and drank the last sip from his cup. He smiled briefly at Hyunjin before he got up to put his dishes away.

"Are you really... falling in love or something?", Hyunjin asked and Changbin could only sigh. "I don't know," he replied before leaving the kitchen.

Changbin was not falling in love, he was already neck-deep in it, almost drowning in this stupidly welcoming, warm feeling called love, which he still couldn’t define but felt by now. 

Even though Felix probably thought differently and perceived everything differently, Changbin had already taken many steps and he knew that he was getting closer to the abyss with every step and he could not estimate when he would take the last one and fall. 

Changbin was afraid of the last step, he was afraid because he came closer and closer and couldn't stop, he was afraid of everything because he couldn't handle this sudden feeling.

Being with Felix was a lot of firsts. They weren't big things, but Changbin caught himself having one every time he was with Felix. Holding hands and feeling a tingling sensation on your hand for the first time, going through the night without sleeping for the first time because you're way too involved in a conversation or spending a whole day cuddling in bed for the first time. 

All these things were small and maybe self-evident for other people, but something about them was important for Changbin.

Besides all the little ones, there was a big first time, and Changbin feared it, because loving someone for the first time was creepy.

It was four in the morning and the room was lit only by the television and Felix and Changbin were sitting in Changbin's bed and ate noodles. Felix wanted to sleep in Changbin's room for one night and Changbin had no problem with it, so they got a mattress and put it on the floor. 

Hyunjin had only looked at them strangely when they asked for a mattress, but he actually had one.

The two wanted to watch a movie in the evening and sleep afterwards, Changbin in his bed and Felix on the mattress next to him, but one movie turned into a series and two hours into the whole night.

Felix had got hungry and since Changbin could cook nothing but noodles he had cooked noodles, but Felix was satisfied.

He sat across from Changbin cross-legged and ate his noodles, the series they watched on TV was paused.

"Tastes good," Felix said with a full mouth and giggled afterwards. "It's just noodles," Changbin said, also smiling.

"The best noodles I've ever eaten," Felix said and stuck another fork of noodles in his mouth. Changbin did it the same way and soon the two had finished eating.

"I don't want to go to university tomorrow," said Felix, crawling to Changbin just to sit next to him and lean against the headboard as well.

"I'd much rather stay here all day," he said and Changbin couldn't help but think that Felix might want to stay here because of him. 

"Can't you take tomorrow off and I won't go to university and we'll just stay here?" he asked and Changbin laughed.

"I have appointments with customers tomorrow, I can't just stay at home, we can do something after work," he said and Felix nodded. "I'll come after university"

Changbin nodded and stretched out his arm to reach for the remote. He pressed start and the episode was played on. 

Sometime during the episode Felix put his head on Changbin's shoulder, sometime later Changbin's arms lay down around Felix's body, sometime later Changbin heard Felix regular, calm breath showing that he had fallen asleep, and sometime Changbin also fell asleep, and both didn't mind that Felix didn't fall asleep on the mattress but in Changbin's arms.

The next morning Changbin woke up, beside him lay Felix, his eyes still closed and his mouth a little open.

He was still fast asleep and Changbin sat up to look at him. His eyes were closed, his long black eyelashes lay on his cheeks, his lips were slightly open and he breathed calmly. Felix looked so peaceful, Changbin couldn't help but smile.

He still looked at Felix for a few minutes, but suddenly he felt like a stalker and got up to get ready for the day.

Before he finally left the room he last looked at Felix, who looked even smaller in Changbin's big bed than usual. 

Changbin was about to leave the apartment when Hyunjin's room door opened. Changbin turned around and saw a sleepy Hyunjin rubbing his eyes.

"Good morning," Changbin said. Hyunjin yawned and brought out a tired "good morning" before he dropped onto the couch. 

"Where are you going?" he asked and looked at Changbin. "To work?" Changbin said and Hyunjin nodded. 

"Is Felix still there?" he asked further and Changbin nodded. "Were you awake last night?" he asked and Changbin nodded. "I heard you, sounded like you were cooking," he said and Changbin laughed nervously.

"I have to go now," he said and walked towards the door. "Wait," Hyunjin said and Changbin turned to him again. "What?" he asked and Hyunjin raised his hands. "Not so bad-tempered," he said and Changbin sighed.

"I have to go now," Changbin said and pointed to the door. Hyunjin nodded and sat up a little.

"You remember the other day where we talked, right?" he asked and Changbin shrugged his shoulders. "It's not uncommon for us to talk," he said and Hyunjin twisted his eyes. 

"I meant in the kitchen when we were talking about Felix," he said and Changbin opened his eyes in panic as he put his index finger on his mouth. "Felix could be awake, keep your voice down," he said in panic and Hyunjin twisted his eyes again. 

"You know what I told you, did you talk to him by now?" he asked and Changbin shook his head.

He knew he had to talk to Felix, but he was a goddamn coward. 

"You really should talk to him," Hyunjin said. "Hm," Changbin grumbled. "Was that all?" he asked and Hyunjin nodded.

Changbin turned around and was about to open the door when Hyunjin jumped up. "I almost forgot but we're going to Seungmin's for dinner tonight, you, Felix, Jisung and Minho. And I," he said and Changbin nodded. "Was that all?" he asked and Hyunjin nodded.

Changbin just said goodbye to his last customer before his lunch break (which was rather an afternoon break) and he regretted it that he slept so little last night. 

Chan came into the room and looked at Changbin, who hung with closed eyes on the chair and seemed to be just before falling asleep. 

"Hey, binnie," he said and Changbin opened his eyes. "Can you all stop calling me that, I-"

"All right, all right, come on. We'll get some coffee," he said and Changbin sighed as he put his head down his neck. "I don't want to, I stay here and sleep," he said but Chan grabbed his arm. "You're coming now, it's terrible to see how tired you are," he said and Changbin actually got up to leave the store with Chan.

"I guess you didn't sleep much that night," Chan said while closing the store. Changbin just shrugged his shoulders. "What have you been doing all night?“ Chan asked and wiggled with his eyebrows. 

Changbin twisted his eyes and hit him playfully on the arm. "Nothing, Felix slept with us," he said and the two went off towards the café. Chan wiggled his eyebrows again and Changbin wanted to rip them out, but the thought was a little scary so he just hit Chan's arm again, this time a little harder. 

"I mean in our apartment", he said and Chan nodded. "You get along well, you and this Felix," he asked and Changbin nodded. "We are friends," he said and Chan raised a goddamn eyebrow again. 

"Can you stop wiggling your fucking eyebrows-" he started but Chan talked in between. "You're just friends?“ he asked and Changbin looked at him.

Changbin almost would have run against a streetlight if Chan hadn't pushed him aside in the last second. 

"Those fucking streetlights, who built them there?" he cursed, and he wondered why he was so irritated, probably because he hadn't slept much. 

"Changbin, can you stop insulting everyone and everything?" he asked with a grin on his face and Changbin nodded. "This Felix, that's his name right, how did you get to know each other?” he asked.

"He's a friend of Hyunjin," Changbin said, not wanting to tell the whole story about how he had met him in the morning with messy hair and a huge shirt and hickeys.

"And now you're friends as well?" Chan asked and Changbin shrugged his shoulders. "I guess so," he said and Chan nodded. 

"I've seen you together before, do you kiss all your friends?" Chan asked and Changbin almost choked on air.

He was just trying to find an excuse as he looked through the window of the café, and for the first time in his life he was thankful to see Jisung behind the counter. 

"There's Jisung, let's say hello," he said and stormed towards the door.

Changbin stormed directly past the queue of waiting people and to Jisung, some people complained loudly but Changbin didn't care. Chan ran after him while apologizing to the people.

"Hey", Jisung said, surprised but with a big grin. He still looked unfamiliar with the blue hair, he had a T-shirt on and Changbin could see the halfmoon tattoo on his upper arm. It had healed well and Changbin thought it looked good, but it was unusual.

"Hey," Changbin said and Jisung looked at Chan who was still talking to a woman in line who was loudly upset about changbins behavior. 

"What brings you here?" asked Jisung and handed money to the customer standing next to Changbin. "We wanted to get coffee and I knew you were working here so we wanted to visit you," Changbin said, and it was half a lie but still half true.

"You're lying," said Jisung and Changbin shrugged his shoulders. Jisung knew Changbin much too well, sometimes it was good but often it was annoying.

"What do you want?" asked Jisung and pointed to the large table with drinks above him. Changbin ordered something that sounded good for himself and Chan, who was still trying to calm the woman down.

Suddenly a man behind Changbin spoke. "What’s that for a service, it was my turn before you!," he said and Changbin turned around. "Sorry," he said and the man shook his head before leaving the queue and heading for the exit.

"So, what are you up to today?" Jisung asked and leaned on the bar. Changbin shrugged his shoulders. "Nothing, work," he said and Jisung nodded.

"Oh, and we're going to dinner tonight, are you and Minho coming?" Changbin asked, and he automatically asked for Minho since Jisung knew it anyway, and Jisung nodded. 

"Yes, when you come Felix will surely come too," said Jisung and Changbin was just about to protest when Chan stood next to him and started talking.

"Felix?“ he asked and Changbin moaned annoyed. Jisung looked at him. "Hello Chan, what about Felix?“ he asked and Changbin wanted to disappear.

"Felix and Changbin meet tonight," he said, and it sounded really strange. Jisung probably didn’t even want it to sound strange but it did. Chan opened his eyes. "A date?" he asked and Changbin waved his arms wildly to protest.

"No date, why should it be a date?" he said a little too loud and Jisung looked at him warningly. "You didn't have a date yet?“ Jisung asked and Chan looked at him shocked.

"You two are kissing each other every time Felix comes around but have never been on a date before?“ he asked and Jisung breathed in shocked. Changbin just wanted to vanish into air. 

"You two do what?" Jisung asked and Changbin looked in vain for something he could say. "The coffee is ready," suddenly a man next to Jisung, probably his colleague, said. Jisung quickly turned around and fetched the coffee.

"Here", he said and Changbin wanted to leave as soon as possible. "How much do both cost together?" he asked, ready to pay both to leave as soon as possible.

"Good friends get the coffee for free," Jisung said and winked, and changbin was sure that Jisung was not allowed to give coffee away for free. "You're the best," Changbin said, walking towards the exit in the next moment.

Chan dropped the topic and Changbin could continue working normally, and Jisung also wrote no annoying messages about Felix. (Jisung always wrote annoying messages, he was as curious as a child and Changbin had already had to block him several times). 

Changbin had arrived at home, he still had one hour until he had to be at Seungmin, and he wanted to take a quick shower. He entered the apartment and heard that the shower was on, so Hyunjin was probably taking a shower. 

Changbin decided to wait in his room until Hyunjin was finished. He opened the room door and walked into the room without looking around, but as he looked around he saw that someone was lying in his bed.

He went closer to the bed and saw Felix nestled in his blanket with his eyes closed. He was wearing normal clothes, a pair of jeans and a shirt, but he seemed to be asleep. He looked peaceful, just as in the morning, and something about seeing Felix like this made Changbins heart beat faster. 

Changbin sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at Felix for a few seconds, wondering if he should wake him up or not, but finally decided against it.

Instead he looked for clothes from his closet and went into the living room to wait until the bathroom was free.

To changbin's surprise, the door opened just a few minutes later and a Hyunjin with wet hair came out. "Oh hey," he said when he saw Changbin and changbin waved.

"when did you get back?" he asked. "10 minutes ago," Changbin replied and shrugged his shoulders. Hyunjin nodded. "Felix left this morning, about 2 hours after you and came back in the afternoon, I told him he could go to your room, he looked pretty tired", said Hyunjin and Changbin nodded.

Felix was probably tired because they hadn't slept much, and he had probably come back after college.

Something made the thought that Felix had come back to sleep in changbin's bed higher, but he ignored it and went to the bathroom.

After Changbin had taken a shower and got dressed for dinner he had 15 minutes left and went to his room.

Felix had hardly changed his position, he was almost completely under the blanket and only his head and one arm were visible. 

Changbin decided to wake him up as the three had to leave soon, even though he would much rather let Felix sleep.

He sat down on the bed and wiggled carefully at Felix's shoulder. Felix grumbled a little and turned around, and Changbin wobbled a little more until Felix slowly opened his eyes.

He blinked a few times and yawned until he finally saw Changbin and formed a smile on his lips.

Felix looked incredible, he was sleepy and Changbin always thought that no one looked good right after waking up, but Felix looked breathtaking as always. 

"Hey," Changbin said with a soft voice and couldn't resist the urge to stroke Felix's cheek with his hand.

Felix leaned into the movement. "Hey," he said and leaned up a little. He lifted the blanket up a little. „Come to me“, he said and pointed to the place next to him. 

Changbin slipped to Felix under the blanket and Felix giggled. "Did you shower?" he asked and pointed to Changbin's wet hair. Changbin nodded. "How long have you been here?“ Felix asked.

"Not so long," Changbin replied and the younger nodded. "And you?" Changbin asked teasingly and he imagined briefly that Felix‘s cheeks turned pink. "I came here after university, I said I was waiting for you," he said.

"I would do something with you but we have to leave in 10 minutes," Changbin said and Felix put his head on his shoulder. "Where to?" he asked and Changbin laughed slightly.

"Did Hyunjin not tell you? We all eat together at Seungmin, Jisung and Minho also come," he said. Felix sighed just before he literally jumped up.

After Felix had run through the apartment cursing for 7 minutes looking for anything to wear, and after Hyunjin had a breakdown because he couldn't find the one pair of pants that emphasized his thighs, the three finally sat in Hyunjins care on the way to Seungmin. 

Hyunjin was always drove chaotic and wild, but since everyone was already late, he drove twice as fast as allowed and almost took a street lamp with him. 

Changbin was grateful when the three arrived healthy and unhurt at Seungmin, and Felix also seemed to be relieved. Hyunjin ran up the stairs, Felix also seemed to have enough energy from his nap and Changbin followed them a long way behind. He regular did workouts, but Hyunjin and Felix sprinted up the stairs.

Seungmin was already standing in the doorway to greet everyone, and Hyunjin embraced him stormy. "I'm so sorry I'm so late", Hyunjin said, Seungmin just smiled. "It’s okay, the food isn't ready yet", he said and changbin and Felix finally came to greet Seungmin.

"You can go to the balcony, Jisung and Minho aren't there yet, but Jisung has just said that they will be late," Seungmin said and everyone entered the apartment. 

Changbin loved seungmin's apartment, it was big and open (like Hyunjin's and Changbin's apartment), but it had a big balcony with a Hollywood swing, and his apartment had a beautiful view.

Seungmin went to the kitchen while the others went to the balcony. Changbin fell right into the Hollywood swing, Hyunjin sat next to him and Felix sat across from him on a chair.

They just sat around until Hyunjin apologized in the kitchen, probably helping Seungmin.

"I'm hungry," said Felix, smiling and Changbin nodded. "Me too, I only had one coffee today during lunch break," he said. 

Felix looked at him pitifully. "I am sure that seungmin can cook well," Changbin said. "Better than you definitely," Felix said teasingly, although it was true.

"I can cook noodles super well," he said defiantly and crossed his arms in front of his chest and Felix laughed. "Yes, you can," he said and Changbin smiled.

Felix supported his elbow on the table, putting his head in his palms. He still looked at Changbin, a contented smile on his lips.

Changbin knew that any other time would have been better, but he decided to ask the question of all questions on Seungmin's balcony just before all his friends came for dinner, and he knew it was a bad idea but the words just came out of his mouth.

"What are we?“ he asked without breaking eye contact with Felix. "What do you mean, what are we?" Felix asked and Changbin regretted having asked.

"Well, what are we in your eyes?" he asked further and Felix seemed to understand. "What are we in your eyes?" Felix asked back, and it wasn't fair, because Changbin had asked first, but the two were no longer in kindergarten.

Changbin wanted to tell Felix how he felt, that he enjoyed every kiss with Felix and that he wanted to hold his little hand and stroke through his soft hair, that he wanted to cuddle with him and that he wanted to hold him and never let go again, but he knew that Felix felt different and that it would destroy everything.

"Well, friends“, he said quietly, but still looked at Felix. Felix blinked a few times, but his facial expression didn't change. He was still smiling, but something in his eyes changed. 

"Yes, friends," said Felix, and Changbin felt something painfully contract into him. 

"We are... Friends," Felix repeated, and it only hurt more. 

"I think it's better if we are friends," Changbin said, and he didn't know why he said it because who wanted exactly the opposite, but it was apparently exactly what Felix wanted to hear. 

"You're right, I've only been separated from Minho a few months, we're better as friends," he said and Changbin swallowed. "Were we ever more than... Friends?“ Changbin asked, and he hated how often they had said the word 'friends' in the last minutes. 

"Well, I think we lost our way a little but we were never more than friends, right?" Felix asked, on his lips was still a light smile which looked now forced.

"Yes", Changbin said, and he hated how this conversation had gone out, he hated Felix's forced smile and he hated how many times he had lied, he hated how much his heart hurt and how much he felt like crying, and he was just about to open his mouth to say something as the balcony door opened.

Jisung stood on the balcony, behind him Minho who to Changbin's surprise had brown hair again, and smiled broadly into the round.

"Hello, you two lovebirds," he said loudly and dropped himself onto the swing next to Changbin before he put an arm around his shoulders.

The evening could only get bad.


	7. Chapter 7

Spending time with his friends was nice, and Changbin was grateful that he had friends who also got along well, but at that moment he wanted to jump off the balcony.

Changbin sat next to Minho at the table, Felix sat opposite him and Jisung sat opposite of Minho, and actually the four were supposed to talk, as usual, but Changbin was in a bad mood.

He hadn't slept much and wanted to go to bed, instead he just had a conversation which he would have rather spared himself. Jisung and Minho talked as usual, Felix didn't seem to want to talk to them either.

"We have to watch the movie together," Jisung said excitedly and Minho nodded smilingly. "This one actor is so hot, what's his name?" asked Jisung and Minho seemed to think briefly.

"The one with the brown hair?" he asked and Jisung nodded. "Yes, he wears black glasses in the movie," he said and Minho nodded excitedly. "I know exactly who you mean, but I can't remember the name," Minho said and Jisung sighed.

"I think his name starts with T," Jisung said, but Minho shook his head. "No, I'm sure it starts with L," he said.

"Changbin, what's this one actor's name again?” asked Jisung and Changbin turned his gaze from his fingers in his lap to the boy opposite him. He shrugged his shoulders.

"I was talking about him the other day," Jisung said as if it would help. "You're always talking about all kinds of actors, where should I remember him from?" Changbin asked more snappish than wanted.

"Our Changbin is in a bad mood", Jisung said teasingly. Changbin looked at him annoyed. "I'm not in a bad mood," Changbin said and Minho looked at him expectantly.

"That’s what you call a good mood then?” he asked and pointed to Changbin who crossed his arms in front of his chest.

Changbin was just about to answer something when seungmin came onto the balcony, holding several bowls in his hands and closely followed by Hyunjin who had a bottle of wine in his hand.

"He found the wine," Seungmin smiled and pointed to Hyunjin. "I thought we were drinking a glass to celebrate the day" he said and put the bottle in the middle of the table before he went back in.

"I hope the food tastes good," Seungmin said and sat down at the head of the table. Hyunjin came back too, in his hands he held 6 glasses and Minho helped him to distribute them.

"I'm sure the food tastes good," said Felix and smiled to Seungmin, whereupon he smiled as well. Minho poured some wine in the glass of everyone and Hyunjin sat down at the table as well. 

"Now that we can talk, what were you doing in the shop when you were there with Hyunjin the other day?" asked seungmin and Changbin noticed how his face turned red again. He looked for help to Felix who only shrugged his shoulders.

"We wanted to have a look around", Changbin said and laughed nervously. Minho wanted to pour some whine into his glass, but he raised his arms. "I don't want anything," Changbin said, because he never drank alcohol. 

"Now that we all have something to drink we can eat, right?" Hyunjin asked and everyone looked at Seungmin, who smiled. "Of course, take yourselves as much as you want," he said, and everyone began to put food on their plates.

"It tastes very good," Felix said after taking his first bite and everyone hummed in agreement. "Thank you," Seungmin said embarrassed with reddened cheeks and laughed. 

"We'll come by more often from now on," said Jisung with a grin. Seungmin laughed and everyone continued to eat.

"Are you studying at university?" Felix asked Seungmin and he nodded. "Yes, but I also work in the book store," he said and Changbin's face heated up again at the thought of the incident with Felix.

No matter what everybody talked about, he always had to think about Felix, about the things they had experienced together, about all the beautiful moments they had shared but most of all about the fact that Felix didn't like him that way. Worst of all, Changbin was to blame himself.

"By the way, I almost got fired today," Jisung suddenly said and everyone looked at him in shock. "But you only have been hired 3 weeks ago!" Minho said in disbelief.

"I also don't understand what my boss has, he said something about me having to change my behaviour at work or something like that," Jisung said and shrugged his shoulders. "I didn't do anything, I don't understand why he almost fired me."

"Maybe because you're giving coffee away for free," Changbin said quietly, but apparently everyone had heard it because everyone was looking at him. He didn't want to say it at all and especially not loudly, but suddenly all the attention was on him.

"Be glad that I gave you the coffee for free," Jisung said offended.

"I don't think you can give coffee away for free," said Hyunjin but Jisung just shrugged his shoulders. "You saw each other today?” Minho asked and Jisung nodded.

"Chan and Changbin came by this afternoon," he replied and Changbin nodded approvingly. "Oh, how is Chan anyway? I haven't spoken to him for a long time," Hyunjin said.

"He's fine, I think," Changbin replied, shrugging his shoulders. He had lost the desire to make conversation. 

"He has quite something to deal with by working with Changbin", said Jisung and Changbin looked at him questioningly. "First Changbin annoyed all the people in the coffee shop and when I talked to him he told me that apparently he has to look at a lot of things", he said and wiggled his eyebrows.

Changbin knew directly what he meant and looked at him as a warning, a look at Felix told him that the younger one knew what Jisung was talking about as well.

"Oh, what?" Hyunjin asked and Changbin tried to tell Jisung that it was the wrong moment for this kind of conversation.

"Oh, Felix likes to come by when they work," he said, wiggling his eyebrows teasingly again (Changbin wondered why everyone wiggled their eyebrows, because he hated it) and everyone looked at Changbin and Felix. “Jisung, stop," Changbin said, because he didn't feel like everyone talking about him and Felix, especially not after the incident only a few minutes ago. 

"But that's normal for friends," Seungmin said smiling, and Changbin couldn't blame him because he didn’t know what was going on and he was innocent. 

"Oh, Felix and Changbin are not friends," said Jisung and now Seungmin looked at him expectantly. "Jisung, stop it," Changbin said, but Jisung didn't seem to know he was doing so he kept talking.

"The two have been sneaking around for some time now and today I heard from Chan that-" he started, and Changbin knew exactly what he wanted to say, so he leaned across the table to lay his hand on Jisung's mouth.

Changbin thought the day couldn't get any worse, but right at that moment he started a chaos.

To cover Jisung's mouth before he could say anything stupid Changbin had to lean across the table and knocked over Felix's wine glass. 

He heard a frightened inhale and turned in the direction the noise had come here, and he could’ve knocked over the glass in any direction and it would have been all right. It could have fallen in any direction, but it had to fall in Seungmins direction and right on his lap.

The wine was poured over his entire blouse, which looked more expensive than anything Changbin had, and now Changbin wanted to jump even more from the balcony.

Seungmin had to have the worst impression of Changbin, the first time he had seen him he had behaved rudely in the bookstore, the second time they saw each other at a party and Changbin danced like a crazy man in the middle of the dance floor, and at his third meeting he spilled wine on his blouse. Seungmin seemed to be a nice person, he seemed friendly and educated and perfect for Hyunjin, and Changbin felt like he was destroying what his best friend was building at the moment. 

Changbin quickly let go of Jisung and looked for a napkin in panic.

"This blouse cost more than my monthly rent", Seungmin said panically and looked at the big red spot in the middle of his top. 

Changbin panicked even more and started rubbing the napkin on Seungmin's blouse, but he only made everything worse and Seungmin pushed him slightly away. 

"What did you do?" said Jisung and the others still looked at him in shock.

"I'm so incredibly sorry," he said to seungmin and looked for something to help.

"I get a wet rag," Hyunjin suddenly said and jumped up from his chair, a fork falling from the table and on the floor with a loud noise. 

Changbin kept looking back and forth between the red spot on Seungmin’s blouse and the table as he suddenly heard a loud noise and a painful scream.

He turned around and saw Hyunjin lying on the floor holding his leg in pain. "Oh my God, Hyunjin are you okay?" Seungmin asked panically and hurried in his direction.

"I somehow tripped over the door frame," he said and made another painful sound. Changbin looked at him in shock, everyone else at the table also looked in his direction in shock.

"My leg," Hyunjin brought out, his face still painfully contorted and his arms wrapped around his leg.

"Can you move it?" Seungmin asked and Hyunjin screamed as Seungmin lightly touched his leg. 

"We have to go to the hospital," Seungmin said and looked at the others and everyone nodded paralyzed.

"I drive," Changbin said and everyone nodded. "You don't have a driver's license, you don't drive," said Felix, and Changbins nodded because he couldn’t drive.

"I can drive," said Minho and everyone nodded. Minho and Jisung got up and went towards Hyunjin, and Jisung almost missed the step Hyunjin fell over just a couple of seconds ago.

He stumbled slightly but Minho grabbed him and held him at the waist, allowing him to stay on his feet. "Watch out babe," Minho said and Jisung smiled at him. “Everything’s okay," he said and Minho smiled at him as well.

"Babe?” Hyunjin and Changbin said at the same time, and Hyunjin seemed to forget his pain for a moment. 

Jisung's face turned red and he tried to hide it a little in Minhos arm. "Well," Minho said and laughed nervously.

"Don't tell me you two are-" Felix started, but didn't finish the sentence. His eyes were big and shiny.

"Actually, we didn't want to tell you yet and Felix, please don't be angry. We wanted to tell you later and give it a little more time," Minho stammered and played nervously with his fingers.

"Are you kidding me?”, Felix said and Changbin was expecting him to scream or to be angry or even to cry, and he would understand him because he loved Minho. 

“I am so happy for you", Felix said instead and smiled broadly before he got up and Changbin followed his movement with his gaze. 

Felix also almost stumbled over the step, but was also able to stand on his feet and happily embraced Minho.

"You two are perfect for each other, I am so happy," Felix said and pulled Jisung into the embrace so that it became a strange group hug and seungmin cleared his throat.

"I don't want to bother you with whatever you're doing, but we need to get to the hospital urgently," he said, pointing to Hyunjin who was still on the floor.

"Oh, of course," Jisung said hastily and went to Hyunjin. 

Seungmin, Minho and Jisung supported Hyunjin, who was still making painful noises while Felix was getting the keys for the car. Changbin held the doors open and everyone stumbled down the stairs.

“I'm so sorry," Changbin said, but no one seemed to listen to him, everyone was too busy getting Hyunjin into the car. Changbin wondered how he got into this situation and how he deserved it.

With Hyunjin's car you could transport 5 people, there were two front seats and three in the back, but somehow the six of them managed to squeeze into the car. It was illegal, but at that moment nobody seemed to care, and as it turned out Minho was a worse driver than Hyunjin. 

Jisung was sitting in the passenger seat and at that moment he was determined to hold Minho's hand, but he also told him every 30 seconds to drive faster, so the six were much too fast and quite bumpy.

Changbin took a quick look at Felix sitting on the other side, between them an injured Hyunjin and a concerned Seungmin, and Felix had put his head to the window and closed his eyes, and Changbin remembered the afternoon when he had peacefully slept in his bed, and suddenly Changbin felt like crying.

Everyone was sitting in the waiting room, there was an unpleasant silence, and it was surprisingly empty, so the whole room was quiet.

Hyunjin and Seungmin were quickly called, and Changbin remembered that one summer day when he had ridden his first bicycle alone with his friends and injured himself, and that his mother had taken him to the hospital where they sat for 3 hours in the waiting room, but it was half as bad because Changbin fell asleep after a short time after his mother had said soothing words to him. 

Seungmin and Hyunjin went alone as six people were too many and now Minho and Jisung went to talk quietly to each other, Changbin couldn't hear what the two said but he saw Minho taking Jisung's hand and cross their fingers.

Jisung put his head on Minho's shoulder and he gave him a little kiss on the head, and then his eyes swept from the two to Felix.

Felix sat a few chairs further, his gaze was on Jisung and Minho's hands and on his lips lay a contented smile. 

Changbin wanted to cry, because at the sight of the younger one with this smile and those shining eyes he realized how valuable this boy was and what he had simply given away.

Felix turned his head in Changbin's direction, on his lips still a smile and in his eyes still a shine, and suddenly changbins eyes began to burn.

They were burning and Changbins wanted to close them and let the tears run, but he knew that he couldn't just cry like that, so he turned his head quickly in Minho's and Jisung's direction, both had their eyes closed.

Changbin heard Felix move, he heard his little steps and suddenly the blonde one stood right in front of him and stretched out his hand.

Changbin looked at his little hand and back into his face, and Changbin reached for his hand without thinking twice, because he always got weak when he saw Felix.

Changbin looked at their interlocked hands, Felix's small, dainty hand in Changbin's big, tattooed hand, and their hands fitted together a little too well. 

The two went side by side up to the exit and left the hospital, it seemed as if both didn't know what they were doing but Changbin just went with Felix.

"I'm sorry that I destroyed the whole evening," Changbin said after a long silence and the two sat down on a bench in front of the building.

"You didn't destroyed it," said Felix, and Changbin knew that he did, but he just nodded.

Changbin looked at his hand which was still crossed with Felix's hand, and suddenly he wanted to talk.

Changbin was never a person who talked a lot about himself, but suddenly he wanted to tell Felix about himself.

"When I was 6 years old I fell down and was in hospital with my mother", he began and Felix looked in his direction, but changbin still looked at his hands. "That was the time when she still cared about me and she was quite panicky although I had no big injury at all," he continued and Felix pressed his hand a little.

"We had to wait so long in the waiting room, my mother told me we sat there 3 hours but I fell asleep", he continued and Felix giggled a little, his voice calmed Changbin.

"I was in the hospital when I was younger and the nurse thought I was a girl," said Felix and Changbin couldn't hold back a little laugh.

"I was so offended, I didn't want her to examine me anymore but my mother forced me," he said and Changbin had to giggle again.

After a little silence Changbin spoke up again.

"When I was 7, my dog was put down at the vet's, then I hated all the doctors even though they freed him from the pain," Changbin said and Felix pressed his hand a little harder. 

"I'm sorry," said Felix and Changbin looked up at him.

Felix looked at him pitifully, he seemed almost sad, and Changbin wanted to lean forward and kiss him, although he had never done that before, but since Felix didn't want to kiss him anymore he wanted to do it.

"I lied to you," Changbin said and Felix looked at him confused, his eyebrows pulled together and his forehead wrinkled. 

"I told you I wanted to be friends with you, but I lied," he said and Felix's facial expression softened a little.

"I told you that I think it's better when we are friends, but I lied," Changbin said, his eyes started burning again and he felt his eyes filled with tears at the thought that Felix saw everything so differently than he did. 

"I lied to you and I'm sorry, friends don't lie," he said and Felix moved a little closer, his thigh touching Changbin’s and the shoulders of the two collided slightly. 

"I think it's okay because I lied to you, too," Felix said, and Changbin looked at him, a shining in his eyes and a faint smile on his lips.

"I told you we were never more than friends, but I think we were more than friends all the time, Changbin," he said and Changbin felt the first tear roll down his cheek.

Changbin never cried in front of others, when he was alone he sometimes admitted his feelings and cried, but in front of others he never cried. The last time he cried in front of others was when he was 8 when someone had taken away his lunch.

Changbin felt like he was naked, like he was revealing his feelings in front of Felix, but something about the younger calmed him down.

"I told you that I lost the feelings for Minho, and I think it started the day I saw you in the kitchen for the first time, and I noticed it after our break up when you took me to the lake for the first time," he said and Changbin let another tear flow down his cheek. 

"I always told myself that you were just a friend and I thought it myself for a long time," Changbin said, meanwhile countless tears flowed down his cheeks but he didn't care. "I like you, Felix," he said quietly and smiled, and Felix smiled as well. 

"I like you very much," he said again, and Felix nodded, and then Changbin leaned forward and pressed his lips against Felix's, his hand lying in his neck, and Felix returned the kiss, and it was as if they were kissing each other for the first time, only this time not sharing their joy but their pain.

Changbin woke up in the middle of the night, it was still dark and only the moonlight gave a little brightness, his eyes were a little stuck together from sleep and his body still felt weak.

He looked at Felix who was all curled up against his side, his arms were around Changbin's waist and his half face was hidden in Changbin's shoulder, his breathing was calm and regular, and a warm feeling spread in Changbin‘s chest.

He turned a little more to the side, Felix reinforced his grip on Changbin's shirt a little, as if he wouldn't let him go, everything without waking up, and Changbin moved a little closer to Felix, if that was possible at all.

He gave a short kiss in Felix's hair, and Felix made a satisfied grumble. Changbin giggled silently and put his arms around Felix to hug the younger one before closing his eyes again. 

It was winter and the first snowflakes fell from the sky, the streets were covered by a white carpet and the own breath looked like smoke in the air. 

Felix held Changbin's hand, Changbin tried to breathe calmly, but his face was painfully distorted. 

"We'll be ready in one minute," Chan said before Changbin felt the next sting. "Did you hear? Not for long," Felix said and kissed Changbin's cheek.

"We're done," Chan said a short time later before taking off his gloves. Changbin breathed out relieved and looked at Felix. "Look at it," Felix said, pointing to Chanbin's wrist. 

Changbin slowly lowered his gaze, he didn't know why he was excited because Chan was the best tattoo artist he knew and he already had many tattoos, but this tattoo meant a lot to him and he was a little scared. 

"Look at the sky, look at all the stars," was written on his wrist, and Changbin felt the tears rise into his eyes.

"I love it," he said quietly, more to himself than to the others, and Felix smiled as well. "I love it", Changbin said again, this time a little louder and he looked happily at Chan, who just nodded before Changbin jumped up.

He reached around Felix and lifted him up, Felix giggled and put his arms around Changbin's neck. Changbin began to spin Felix around and Felix laughed loudly before pressing a kiss on Changbin's lips. 

"I love it," Changbin said again, this time calmly but with a satisfied smile and a happy feeling in the chest.

It was a spring evening, it wasn't too cold anymore but still not warm and Felix and Changbin sat close together to warm each other.

"We have to move, then we get warmer," Felix said and stood up, Changbin looked at him in disbelief for a moment before he also stood up.

Felix looked smaller in Changbin's sweater than he was, actually Changbin and Felix almost always wore the same size, but for some reason the sweater looked much bigger on Felix than on Changbin.

Felix pulled him across the meadow, jumped around and laughed loudly and Changbin went after him, a big grin on his lips. "Don't step on the daisies," said Felix and Changbin nodded. 

The two spent the whole evening at the lake, watching the sunset and warming each other, and through Felix kissing Changbin he felt warm not from the outside but from the inside.

There were some moments Changbin wanted to experience again and again, moments he wanted to capture and watch again and again, like a movie but much more personal and important.

One of those moments was Felix's smile when he saw his second finished tattoo, also stung by Changbin and designed with him, because according to Felix he didn't want anyone else do tattoos on his skin. 

Changbin also looked at Felix's wrist, his honey brown skin was now decorated with a moon and a constellation of stars. 

"Thank you," Felix said and looked at Chanbin with that smile, and Changbin looked at Felix without saying anything, because he wanted to save the picture in his memory.

"Thank you, Changbin," he said and stood up. "Thank you," he said again and kissed Changbin's lips.

"Thank you, binnie" he said a last time before taking Changbin's arm and holding his wrist next to his own.

It was one of those late summer mornings that almost passed into autumn, which were still warm but not too warm anymore. 

The sun shone through Changbin's big window and cast a beautiful light over everything, the sky was colorful and some white clouds adorned it.

Changbin stirred slightly as the sun shined on his face, gentle and warm yet, distracting. He blinked a few times, his own eyelashes were still in his sight, his eyes only half open.

His eyes fell directly on the boy next to him, his eyes still closed. His long eyelashes lay on his chubby cheeks, his lips were only slightly open and Changbin felt his breath on his own skin. 

Felix moved a little, grumbled a little before sighing and returning to his previous position. 

Changbin placed his palms on Felix's cheek, his skin was warm and soft, and he stroked his thumb several times over his cheek and lips. He leaned a little forward and put a slight kiss on Felix's lips, whereupon the younger one sighed contentedly.

Changbin slowly removed his hand and Felix made another incomprehensible sound before squinting his eyes. 

Changbin had to smile at the sight, Felix looked cute when he did it.

Felix opened his eyes very slowly, but let them only half open and looked at Changbin who smiled at him.

"Good morning", Changbin said quietly, his voice a little raspy from sleep but still gentle. 

Felix's lips showed a light smile, the corners of his mouth just a little bit pulled up and his eyes a little bit pinched.

"Good morning, baby," Changbin said again and Felix pressed his face a little into his pillow. "Happy one year," Changbin said, Felix smiled a little more. 

He sighed one last time before leaning lightly on his elbows, his gaze still on Changbin.

Felix's hair lay messy on his head, his lips were dry. Changbin's gaze fell on his neck, his skin there was dipped by the sun in orange light and now looked like honey and was marked by purple love marks. 

Changbin had found out early that he liked it when Felix looked exactly like he did now, in a too big shirt, with golden skin and purple spots, but most of all he liked to look at Felix in this condition when it was his own shirt, when the sun that made his skin look like this shone through his own window and when the love bites of him were made by his own lips.

"Good morning," Felix said, his voice still sounded tired. He sat cross-legged and stroked his face with his hands, and Changbin looked at his arms, one wrist with a flower and the other with the universe with its stars and moon.

Felix yawned before he shyly smiled and leaned forward to kiss Changbin on the   
lips, his lips were dry but it didn't bother Changbin because he loved to kiss Felix. 

Felix smiled at him before cuddling under the blanket again, this time putting his head on Changbin's chest. 

"One year already", Felix said quietly, his deep voice still gave Changbin goose bumps. "Time passes so fast," Changbin said, and he felt like an old man, but it was true. Time passed quickly and even faster with Felix at his side.

"I'm glad to have you, you know," said Felix and Changbin had to smile. "I'm glad to have you as well," he said and Felix looked at him. 

Changbin leaned down a little to put his lips gently on Felix’s, who smiled slightly into the kiss.

“I love you," Changbin said, the words just slipped out before he could stop them, but he didn't regret it because he loved Felix.

"I love you too," Felix said quietly, as if only Changbin should hear his words. 

Changbin looked at Felix, he smiled again and his eyes shone more than ever, and Changbin smiled as well.

Changbin and Felix had come a long way, and somewhere between the hurdles that had bothered them, Changbin had begun to experience how it is to love, and somewhere in that process Felix had begun to experience how it is to be loved.

Felix cuddled himself more in Changbin's arms and thus more in the blanket, which for some reason was baby blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I'm finishing this, this is the longest thing I've ever written and it's a little hard for me to let go, but that's how I imagined the end. 
> 
> If anyone has read everything, thank you very much! It makes me so happy that some people actually read what I write!
> 
> That's it, thank you very much for reading again, I wish you a wonderful day! <3
> 
> PS: Did anyone understand the connection between the story and the tattoos they got? :)


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